


Please Remember Me (Levi X Reader)

by ShingekiNoRavioli



Category: Depressing - Fandom, Levi x Reader - Fandom, Sad - Fandom, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, TheFeels - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-08
Updated: 2015-10-07
Packaged: 2018-04-25 09:33:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4955230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShingekiNoRavioli/pseuds/ShingekiNoRavioli
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who am I? Who are you? What are you? Do I know you? How do I know you? I never met you. I'm not who you think I am. You got the wrong person, sorry...<br/>********************************************<br/>In first person, you and Levi are together, in love, a love so great nothing can break it.<br/>Or can it?<br/>Until a huge great event happens and it tore yours and Levi's love apart. So torn nothing can fixed it, but Levi is willing to do anything to fixed it, even if it takes his whole life to do so. However you in the other hand don't know what is happening and you don't want to do anything.</p>
<p>That is because you are suffering memory loss.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nothing Can Take Our Love Away Dear

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Again, I am the real author for this from Wattpad, no need to report me.  
> This story is ongoing and there is be a few mistakes I will need to edit once this story is complete.  
> Also! This story does get depressing, so if you have a fragile heart or can't handle depressing events please exit this story and enjoy another story I have. :)  
> Please enjoy!  
> Stay fabulous~ ❤️

"Tch you damn brat!" I hear him shouts from behind as I laugh loudly with his cravat in my grasp. Boy he is mad...

"Hurry up old man if you want this piece of junk!" I shout out after him behind me. Jeez- who would had thought he loved this white cloth... I quickly slip inside an empty supply closet, my hand slapped on my lips to contain my daredevil laughter. He won't bother to look in here, not in this thin small closet after all the times he calls me a fat ass.

"(f/n)!" He growls loudly through the halls, I bet some of the cadets are shitting their pants of the angry Corporal that is roaming in the halls. I wanted to shout back his name but that would had only trigger him to find me.

It was getting harder and harder for me to keep in the laughter that was begging to be released in my throat. Oh my, this is way too funny! He keeps yelling my name and I swear it keeps getting closer and louder...

He's near...

"Brat!" The door swings open as I scream in surprise and he tackles me against the wall.

"Jeez! Levi!" I gasp as he lit the candle in the closet and shut the door behind him.

"You fucking brat." He curses, his silver gorgeous eyes aiming straight into my (e/c) ones. Crap...

"U-Um...Looking for something?" I nervously laugh, holding out his cravat. He narrows his eyes down at me as I sweetly smile up at him. Yes... He is only about 2 or 3 inches taller than me... No big deal...

"Yes." He grabs my wrist instead of the cloth. "You." He pins me to the back wall hard and slams his lips onto mine and I kiss back. He enters inside with his wet eager tongue, licking and leaving no spot uncovered. He pulls back with a string of our salvia between and leaving me breathless.

"I didn't think you would find me..." I softly laugh as he raises an eyebrow. "After all those times you called me a fat ass."

"You're my fat ass, even if you are really in good shape, you are my 'fat ass'." He scoffs, cupping my cheek.

"Yours." I smile, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Mine." He breathe and we go into a deep steamy kiss. His hands move down to my curves, caressing up and down through the fabric.

"I love you." I moan in between the kiss. He leaves my lips and move down to my jaw line, nibbling and licking.

"I love you more." He breathes with lust. Huh, Levi is already in for it and so am I, in the supply closet... He moves down my neck, nibbling the crook of it as I moan and rub my hands against his muscles and up to his hair, tugging his silk raven locks. His hands move to my belly, rubbing my abdominal softly and pleasuring.

"Jeez you guys, get a room." Hanji swings the door open laughing with Erwin standing next to her. I gasp as Levi groan and straighten himself up to give them both his death stare of get - the - fuck - out - right - now - or I'll - kill - you.

Oh Levi, how much I love you...

"You must be mistaken. We are in a room so get the fuck out." Levi growls, protecting this moment of ours; he causes me to roll my eyes. This is my man, my lover forever and ever.

"The supply closet..." Erwin smirks.

"Yeah no shit. Why don't you two find a room and fuck, don't just walk around to get watch others you lonely bastards." With that Levi closes the door which causes the candle in the room to be blown out by the sudden chill wind.

"You're so getting in so much trouble for that comment, Levi." I tease but there was silence. Did he leave me alone in the closet? I frown in the dark and pull my hands out in front of me.

"Levi? Where are you? I swear if you left me here all alone..." I murmur under my breath, wiggling my hands out in front of me, hopping to bump into that man I love dearly.

"Now why would I leave you here all alone?" He grabs my waist from behind, taking me by surprise.

"Levi! You scared the shit out of me!" I slap my hand onto his.

"You love me though." He deeply chuckles, squeezing me tightly.

"You're lucky I do, and lucky enough that I love you enough for you to squeeze me like this." I gasp for air as he 'tch' and loosen his grip.

"I want you." He whispers in my ear.

"Weren't you angry at me for stealing your cravat?" I sneer, turning myself around to face him in the dark.

"I was and I still am but you are so fucking tempting and cute I want you so bad right now." He sexily growls, clashing his lips onto my neck, the sweet part of my neck and he knows where it is exactly.

"You're asking me for permission?" I moan.

"No I'm just seeing how long you're going to be cock-blocking me." He says sarcastically and I giggle.

"If that is what you are doing, go ahead." I tease.

"Argh, for fuck sakes!" He snarls, turning me around and slams me against the back wall again, his lips attacking me. I smirk between the kiss but push him deeper, exactly what he wanted.

Oh Levi... What am I without you?

******

"So what are you going to do today?" I ask, looking over at my man who was sitting down at his desk doing his usual dull paperwork as I was on his comfortable clean bed.

"You." He says monotone as I blush and scoff.

"Besides me." I roll over on my back, staring at him upside down.

"Nothing, after this damn paperwork I have nothing planned, why?" He looks over at me.

"If only you didn't made that inappropriate comment to the Commander, you wouldn't have dull paperwork. I don't know, I'm bored, I want to do something with you and by that I don't mean sexy time." He scoffs.

"Sexy time?" He inquires.

"You know what I mean." I blush and I turn onto my side.

"We could chat." He returns back to the stacked paperwork.

"Chat about what? We practically covered everything about each other's." It was the truth, we know everything about ourselves. From the day we were born to our planned futures that awaits us. Just remembering those times when we were getting to know each other for the first time makes me smile. Oh Levi, I love him so much.

"I'll take you out." He shrugs and that caught my attention like any other spoiled girl.

"Where? Town?" I squeak, grinning at the man as he smirks at me. Not my fault he spoiled me...

"No, somewhere else." He's not telling me...?

"Uh? Where? I want to know!" I whine as he gets off his chair and walked straight towards me to ruffle my hair into a ball of mess.

"Go back to Squad Leader Hanji and do work in the meanwhile I do mine, once I'm done I'll come get you to leave." He kisses my forehead and I nod.

"You have me at awe and suspicion." I roll my eyes as I leap off the bed and slid my boots on and fixing the hair nest on my head.

"You better get going or I'll have you right here and now." He huskily growls and I yelp myself and blush.

"Well then if that is the case, I better get going Corporal, Sir." I smirk and teasing saluted as he raises his eyebrows in amusement. I exit the room and walk down the hall to Hanji's office.

What does my Corporal have in plan for me? The thought of not knowing rots inside me. Why would he tell me! He's such a tease!

"Cadet (f/n)?" Hanji smirks at my presences. We met in between the hall.

"Squad Leader Hanji." I acknowledge her, she grins and nods for me to walk with her. I nod, since I needed to be with her, it was all good.

"Where were you heading?" Hanji asked. "Because I'm sure the Corporal's office was in the opposite direction from where you were coming."

"I was actually looking for you." I roll my eyes.

"Oh! You and Levi are already done in bed?" She sneers.

"Hanji please we are in the halls" I warn her. "And no we did not do anything, he is busy doing paperwork." I hiss, although we did do it in the supply closet... I don't regret it...

"Aw, he blocked you away." Hanji fakes a frown but soon laugh as I shrug.

"More like the Commander did, giving him those stacks of paperwork." I glower, she nods and pats my shoulder.

"Where are you heading to?" I ask, noticing her arms were filled with long large rolled up papers.

"To the mess hall, now that you are here, I'm going to need your assistant." She smiles as I nod.

"As always." I smirk, we soon enter into the mess hall where some cadets were sitting around, some eating, and some were cleaning. Hanji picks an empty clean table and scattered the papers onto the surface, causing me to pick some off the floor because of her carelessness and taunting me to be her slave. Which was totally fine, it's better than being Levi's slave, he can be scary....

"These are maps for the expedition tomorrow, which one makes more sense?" She ask me as I nod and open them up. Holy crap, these maps were covered with red marks and long lines of where we are traveling to outside. It was hard, they all made sense and they were all perfectly planned.

"Well they are all perfect... They all make sense, you have to choose one?" She nods.

"I'll have to go with this one." I point at one of the maps, I only chose that one because of the less squiggly lines.

"Why?" She questions, crap...

"Well..." I start off point at the starting of the first line where we would take off and start to make a little more sense as I kept moving up and point out Titan locations and where the groups would be around and into. I was actually a bit proud of myself to pick a not bad map.

"So leading the Titans like this would help, and you being with Levi was a huge help too." She smiles as I look at her confused. We're discussing about the map and she decides to bring up Levi, eh?

"What does Levi have to do with this?" I softly laugh.

"I was just thinking how you changed him." She shrugs and seated herself down, I do the same.

"Ever since you joined the Survey Corps, damn I still remember, but he always brought up your name whenever we chat and somtimes when we are tlaking about a certain subject it would alwas change into a conversion about you!" She laughs as I turn beet red, I remember Levi telling me this. "He was jealous at the fact that you were in my squad, he really did had a thing for you and that was so damn new. So new to me, to the Commander, to the whole freaking HQ!"

"I remember when I first saw him I thought he was hot." I giggle as she laughs and slam her hand onto the table top. Who am I kidding? He is still hot! And he is mine.

"I remember when I push you out towards him, goddamn you were just so awkward and shy!." She grins.

"I know shut up!" I failed to hold a serious face.

"And then boom, you and Levi start to talk and open each other up." She smiles. "You changed him."

I know, he changed me too....

"He used to tore this whole place down and make everyone shit themselves to sleep."

"I think he still does that." I snort.

"Yeah but softer." She jokes.

"What are you ladies giggling about?" Erwin come in show and seated himself aside me.

"About you, sir." Hanji sneers, lying. I snicker as he widen his eyes and rose his majestic eyebrows.

"What about me?" He plays around, unusual for the Commander of the Survey Corps.

Probably it's because Hanji is here...

Whoo, love birds in process. I grin in my evil thoughts.

Hanji doesn't say anything in return as she froze of what to say. Ugh, error 404 code...

"Oh don't too ahead of yourself Commander, sir, we're just looking at the map for tomorrow." I smirk.

"And that is funny?" He asked amused.

"Yup." I snicker, failing to hold a straight face.

"You girls are strange." He scoffs as I roll my eyes and Hanji does the same, she return back to reality!

"What do you think of the map, Erwin?" Hanji asked, pointing at the lines and images.

"I think it is perfect, every map you create is perfect, Squad Leader Hanji." And again Hanji froze into her error 404 code.

"Aw that is sweet to say. I agree." I smile as he had a small hint of a blush.

"A-Ah, t-thank you." Hanji nervously laugh, rubbing the back of her head.

"Mind explaining the process of the map for me? I just want to make sure." Erwin asked politely, Hanji nods and begins to explain as I yawn and lean my head on the table top, watching them discuss and slide fingers on the map.

Ugh how long is Levi going to take to finish up his paperwork?! I'm dying to know what he has in plan for me! I narrow my eyes up at Erwin, he doesn't notice but at this very moment I'm not happy about him giving Levi his paperwork. Crap! I'm mad at Levi too! It was his fault for making that stupid comment.

Ugh!

Boys... I can't keep up with them. He's so damn lucky that I love him otherwise I would have him run for his life. Not that would be possible but I got to believe it for right now since they are barely chatting about the entrance of the forest and its surroundings.

Levi you better hurry up and come for me...

***************

"Oi, wake the hell up." I flutter my eyes open at the view of Levi narrowing his eyes down at me.

"Huh?"

"What are you doing here? I've been looking for you." He scowls as I lift my head off the table top and wipe the drool that was escaping my lips, shit, I don't drool!

"Where am I?" I ask, rubbing my eyes awake.

"In the mess hall, I'll like to know why you are here." Crap is he mad at me?

"Oh, I swear I was with Hanji and Erwin here, in this table discussing about the map for tomorrow, where did they go? I must had slept in between... Are you are mad at me?" I said guilty, he sighs and run his hand through his dark silk locks.

"No I'm not mad at you. I was worried where you were." He leans in and kisses my forehead, I turn hot beet red.

"Sorry." I mumble, knotting my fingers in guilt.

"Don't be like that, I hate to see you like that. Come on." He hold out his hand and I take it.

"Where are we going?" I get out of my seat as he smirks at me before leading me out of the mess hall. I'm not what that is supposed to mean but okay...

He leads me down the halls and out through a porch into the large wide vast green field. Are we going to have a picnic or something? I don't say anything but instead we head further out into the field and the sun was dim, becoming a sunset.

"Here." He pauses as I notice there was long wide red and white patterned cloth settled on the ground with big weaved khakis basket.

"A picnic?" I grin as he shyly nods. Awe!

"It's so cute, thank you!" I sweetly smile and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him for a kiss which he gladly accepted. It wasn't a lust kiss but a sweet lovely one.

"You're welcome brat." He says, his voice soft and caring. Even though he calls me brat, I'm his brat. We slid our boots off and settle down, I couldn't keep the foolish grin off my face.

"What is in the basket?" I eagerly ask as he secretly grins.

"Be patient child." He tells me and I pout my lips, he quickly kisses them which causes them to curve into a smile. Oh Levi...

He opens the basket and pull out two wine glasses and a long dark bottle of red rich wine. I widen my eyes and accepted the glass as he pop open the bottle without any problem or spill and pours me half of the glass. He pours himself and place the bottle back inside the basket but standing up so it won't spill. He lifts his glass up and I do the same, we cling glasses together and took a sip. The wine was very rich with its taste.

"Fancy." I tease as he scoffs and roll his silver sexy eyes.

"It's going to get dark soon." I point out, sipping the delicious wine.

"We're watching the sunset." He says monotone, he digs in the basket and pulls out four neatly wrapped squares.

"Romantic." I giggle as he passes me one square, I unwrapped it and nearly drool at the sight of the delicious made sandwich.

"I guess I'm the romantic type." He jeers.

"Yup, with sandwiches." I chuckle, I move closer to him and lean my head on his broad shoulder.

"With sandwiches." He echoes and begin to dine in and I do the same. With each and every second that passes the sky begins to get a little bit darker. We stayed like this until we finished our first sandwich and move onto our second and last. Who would had thought he was a chef?

"Do you want to live out there, beyond the walls?" I break the silence.

"With you, yes." He replies and butterflies dance in my stomach.

"Do you think we'll make it to the end of Titans?" I sip my wine.

"I don't know but we'll die old." He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer.

"I think you're beating me at that." I giggle and he scoffs and ruffles my hair, making the nest on my head again.

"I'm not that old." He drinks the sip of his wine and pours more into mine and his.

"You're about 8 years older than me." I tease. "Are you trying to get me tipsy?"

"And if I am?" He raises his eyebrows in amusement.

"It's working." I smile and take a long sip.

"Good." He nods and pull out a red box, revealing to be a box of chocolate. "Time for dessert."

"I thought you don't like sweets." I cock my head to the side.

"These are for you, you are my dessert." He smirks and the chills of the heat between up strikes.

"I thought this was supposed to be romantic... Not kinky." I giggle. He shrugs and pop out a small chocolate ball into my mouth. I died in happiness.

The chocolate instantly melted in my mouth, the flavor taking me up the stairs to chocolate heaven.

"These are so good..." I moan in delight. He coughs a laugh and pop another inside my mouth. Did he make these? Holy crap! I want to marry this man right now at this very moment.

"Tch, you're such a mess." He places the top back onto the box and settle it to the side as he leans in and licks my chin. I blush crimson as he soon invade my mouth, his tongue slipping into a fight with mine. He pushes me down to my back and we kept making out as the sun was settling and the sky getting darker.

"You're so sweet." He pulls back and licks his lips, wiping the chocolate into his mouth. He kept his gaze strong on mine, damn I'm so lucky to have him. His cloudy silver grey eyes were very distracting.

"I thought you didn't like sweets." I breathe, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"I don't, unless it is coming from you, then I do." He smiles and I turn into the same color as the rich red wine.

"You smiled." I squeak.

"Tch."

"You should smile more often." I sweetly smiled, placing a quick smooch to his lips.

"I only smile for you. " He whispers. "And only for you, brat."

"Why?" I whisper back.

"Because you're the only one that makes me happy." He says and my stomach is doing multiples flips and turns.

"You make me happy too." I smile and he does the same, taking my breath away as always.

"I love you brat." He lays down aside me and pulls me to his chest, hugging me.

"I love you too." I close my eyes and inhale his fancy cologne scent.

"I will always love you." He tells me. "And nothing will get in the way of that, (f/n). I promise you."

Nothing can take away our love, dear...


	2. I Will Survive

I wake up to the one and only time loud snore that came from my lover. Sometimes I wish I could just stuff cotton down his throat but I love him too much to even try. I found myself in an awkward position, our legs in a tangle, my arm under his head and his arm on my belly while we were facing up at the ceiling. What happened last night? I swear we didn't get drunk... Right?

"Levi..." I groan, not the morning type of person...

"Hm?" He groans, his voice deep and thick in his throat. Damn, its hot.

"Quit snoring, you'll wake up the whole HQ." I mumble, pulling my now numb arm out under his head. He groans and turns to face me, keeping his eyes close the entire time

"I don't snore." He growls. I roll my eyes and snuggle close to his chiseled bold naked chest.

"Yes you do." I tease.

"No I fucking don't." He hugs me, tight as a punishment.

"Language mister!" I push myself against his chest, fighting for space.

"Since when do you care about my language?" He scoffs.

"Since now." I smirk and I look up at his trying - to - go - back - to - sleep - face.

"I freaking apologize. I didn't mean to freaking use freaking bad language, love." He grumbles, his eyebrows furrowed.

"I forgive you." I giggle as he smiles and opens his eyes.

"You're so beautiful." He places an enchanting kiss on my forehead. I smile and wrap my arms around his neck, my fingers playing around with his undercut ebony locks.

"I love you Levi." I close my eyes and allow him to kiss me and deepen it to his own liking.

"I love you (f/n)." He pulls away. "So much more."

I smile and blush at his comments, his sweet words. We stayed in bed like this for what seems like hours before I yawn and stretch out my tired lazy limbs.

"I don't want to get up." I whine as he yawns from my contagious one and nods.

"I don't want to either. Let's stay in bed." He closes his eyes.

"I wish." I smile, caressing his face, his young smooth visage despite his real age.

"I want to stay in bed with you until Erwin eyebrows fall off of its fat ass weight." He wiggles his eyebrows for a quick second, making me laugh softly. I slap his chest and he coughs out his laughs.

"You're lucky you didn't say that in front of him otherwise you would have more paperwork to be done." I trace his clavicle with the tip of my finger. His skin smooth yet rough as I slid across his bone.

"You should be lucky that I'm too tired to take you on right here and now." He growls sexily inside my ear.

"I am very lucky. Otherwise I would had been even more tired than I am right now." I purred back.

"And sore." I breathe, I hear him gulp.

"Weak." His breathing slows.

"Panting." I press my breast against him. He stares down at me with narrowed eyes... Filled with lust.

"You would had left me begging for more but I would also be begging for you to stop." I caught him in my trap as he clashes his lips onto mine to muffle my sweet seductions.

"Fuck, I really do want you right now." He growls.

"No." I smile.

"Yes." He narrows his eyes.

"No." I peck his lips.

"Why?"

"Because I'm too tired." I grin, he scoffs and I could feel his friend hyped up. Poor him...

"You're such a cockblock (f/n)." He hisses, he shuffles to lie on his back and I abuse him by placing my head onto his chest.

I could hear his heart, beating and pumping out blood to his whole body. Making him alive and to be with me in each and every moment of our life.

My man is here with me and he's going nowhere.

I climb onto him, the bed sheets sliding down to my hips, exposing me in his button up shirt, braless.

"I love you, have I ever mention that?" I smirk.

"No I don't think you did but I love you too." He smirks back and I reach down for our kiss. A loud irritating knock was drummed at the door, parting us from our sweet lovely kiss.

"Who is it?" Levi growls loudly, not pleased for our interrupted kiss.

"Hanji, you love birds better get up, we're all going into the mess hall for discussion and then we're departing." She speaks and both Levi and I groan.

"I don't want to go..." I place my fore head onto his.

"Me either."

"Did you guys heard me?" Before we could had known it, she enters into the room. "Oops, am I interrupting something?"

"Tch, who the hell told you can burst in like that?" Levi narrows his eyes at her as I wave my hand with a blush and a sweet smile.

"Good morning Squad Leader Hanji." I greeted as she laughs and waves back.

"Good morning Cadet (f/n)." Levi 'tch's and pulls me back down to his chest, his hot 8 pack abs pressed against my belly.

"You two better get up, Erwin is not going to be pleased about this." She warns and gives us a thumbs up for good luck.

"Tch, fucking eyebrows..." Levi snarls and inhales the scent off of my hair.

"Want to take a shower before we go?" I offer, pushing myself up and smile, tracing his abs with my finger.

"Hell yeah I do." He quickly sits up and grips my ass, lifting us both off the bed. I yelp and wrap my legs around his hips as he heads towards his own private shower room with me giggling like a flirty teen girl.

Oh Levi... How much I love you... It'll hurt me so much to lose you.

**********

"Time to split!" A random Cadet shouts and everyone scurries to leap onto their horse. I rush over towards Hanji's squad but something caught my hand from behind. Of course i iknew who it could be, the same man who grabs my hand before depart in every expedition there is.

"Levi?" I question his presence even though I had a clue why he is here.

"Don't get yourself in danger." He brings me into a tight hug, I wryly smiled and return the embrace.

"I won't, I promise you." I roll my eyes as he pulls back and kisses me harshly.

"Promise me that you'll be back in one whole." Not this again... He needs to trust me out there alone, I can fight I can survive I don't need his protective concern about this.

"You need to trust me Levi, I can protect myself." I breathe after the kiss.

"I can't, not today. It's going to rain." He clench his jaw tightly.

"What? But some said it wasn't going to. The cloud will probably perish soon." I look up at the sky.

"Don't risk it anyways, don't get yourself -"

"Don't get yourself injured or killed. I know, I know Levi." I roll my (e/c) at his silver sharp orbs.

"I can't lose you (f/n)." His eyes softens. "I don't know what I'll do without you."

Oh Levi... My sweet Levi...

"Levi please. I don't know what I'll do without you either. You be careful too, okay?" I reach up to carees his visage, letting him know again that I love him too, so very much.

"I love you (f/n)." He kisses me.

"I love you Levi." We pull back once the flares burst. We kiss each other once more, quick and meaningful.

I rush onto my horse and we took off into the large Titan territory that was location in a forest up ahead. Hanji lead the group swiftly and perfectly, dodging the Titans and sending out flares correctly. I couldn't keep my mind off of Levi's concern act towards me, he's really worried. He really doesn't want to lose me, neither do I want to lose him... It haunts me what would happen if one of us...Disappear... 

"Put your hoods on! It's starting to rain!" Hanji shouts and we all slid on our green cloak hoods. I look up at the sky, a rain drop pelted right onto my check. The dark charcoal clouds made the day seem like evening even though we were in the middle of the afternoon. 

If I were to die today I at least told Levi that I loved him, and heard his love for me back. If I were to die today, I am happy to know that I spent my life in the Survery Corps with Levi. If I were to die today, I at least fell in love with my true soul mate. If I were to disappear today, I am proud to admit that Levi was my one and only lover.

I focus myself back ahead of me as we quickly enter inside our own deadly dangerous tombs. Our mission was to clear the area as most we can do. Kill as much Titans to regain back our land. A few more meters Hanji had us activated into our 3DMG. I could hear Titan foot stomps over the load roaring thunder, its foot steps beating the ground as the rain becomes more harsh, creating the grond below us into murky slipperly soil.

"Titans ahead!" Nifa shouts and we all saw the Titans, three of them and they were all abnormal.

"Shit, off the horses!" Hanji orders and we all leap into the tall trees. When the Titans got near we move and soon taking actions. As I was on the high branch of the tree I take the one shot one kill while the others weaken it.

"Bastard!" I scream as I shot a hook to his head and leap off the branch with my arms arched back for a slice.

"Yeah!" I grin as I cut deeply and its blood slashed onto my cloak, the same time as the others with their pride of taking them down. See? I can protect myself Levi. I grin even wider in my thoughts.

"Great work all!" Hanji smiles, praising us all. We move deeper into the forest as we left our horses near the entrance of the forest where we came from. It would be dangerous to take on our horses, the ground this soaked could make us slip and difficult for us to escape from a titan with muck in our faces.

"Crawling abnormal!" Moblit cries, the Titan jumps straight towards us, separating the large group we were once were.

"Crap!" I hear someone says we kept moving to avoid the beast.

Shit... I groan, there's must be more ahead of us.

"Fuck!" A female Cadet gasp as we paused and look around ourselves. I think.... I think we're lost... Hanji is out of sight and the group I was once in was extremely compacted.

"We need to go back." One of the Cadets says.

"Back to that crawling abnormal? No way!" She scoffs.

"We might just need to move forwards and find the others, they must be moving forwards too.... Right?" I nervously ask as they turn pale and reluctantly nod. We moved forwards, taking down Titans quick but as fast we were, Titans were appearing faster. I had a glance at the amount I had with me right now, 8 Cadets including me. We're enough to survive, we can do this.

"Linda!" I look over my shoulder at one of the cadets screaming but it was already too late. The abnormal Titan swinging its arms carelessly, taking one of the female cadets down and slapped against a tree.

"Don't stop!" I scream out to the female Cadet who screamed out for her friend who seems to stop to try to kill the beast but failed miserbly. Everyone started to panic and the rain poured harder against us; pushing us down to the ground slowly and cruelly.

"Ah! Help!" Two Cadets cry as they were grasp by a popped out titans, they were being crushed but I look away and ignored them. Everyone is dying, so quickly; I'm just watching them get killed. There was so much blood being wasted, so much... I'm going to be one of them soon.

Fuck...

"Well we can't just watch them die or each other die now can we?!" I snarled as they look at me as if I was insane before losing themselves to their own insanity.

I grit my teeth and swing back around and slice the abnormal Titan eye sight away.

"Kill it now!" I ordered and they all charged at it, slicing it more than once to end it. I frown but with satisfaction as they wryly smile unsure.

"We can survive..." I whisper under my breath and we took off once the other Titan was walking towards us. We kept moving until we slowed down once loud footsteps were loud, near us...

"Where the hell is it?!" A male Cadet cried.

"It's near!"

"Where the hell is it?!"

"Oh my god..."

"Fuck..." I cursed, its right next to us... It leaps out with its mouth open, taking in the rest of the remaining Cadets as I struggle to keep myself up. I tumble down onto the filthy dirt and my vision was blinded by the salty painful rain.

"Shit!" I rub my eyes clean and as soon I had my vision back the Titan was charging at me, full speed ahead. I shoot a hook at the nearest tree and I could hear odd sounds coming from my gear.

Damn it I broke it!

"No...." I gasp and I turn around but paused, the Titan was still following me. I shook my head and ran foward but more appeared ahead too. I kept clicking for a hook to come out rapidly, what seemed like forever the gears screech a painful frequency that could had left me deaf. I shot a weak hook at a tall tree and await for the Titan behind me to come closer as I jump off my spot and arch my arms back despite the stinging painful sensation in my arms, back, ribs, and neck. I slice the nape of the Titan and hook onto another tree as I watch the Titan I slice only to steam back into health with a hungry sinster smile perched onto its lips.

I did not slice it deep enough...

The Titan charges at me with his head hitting the tree thick trunk, bouncing me off the tree and into another tree.

"Ugh." I rub my head, blood seeping out. Crap... Levi is not going to be pleased about this...

I move off of the tree and slice the Titan ankle to allow it to fall down and unable to walk but I had bigger problems as more Titans kept showing up for battle.

"Argh!" I let out a battle cry as I hook into tree and more, slowing and painfully taking the Titans down.

"Shit!" I scream, a hand swing at me, this time hitting me down to the muck. The rain stings my eyes and my cuts and burns. I click for a shot to move out of the way but my gear gave up on me and decided to allow me to face to face with hell itself.

"No, no, no, no, no this can't happen. No, no, no, no, nononononono! Fuck!" I screeched, rapidly clicking for a hook to come out but it was too damaged to be useful. The Titans were walking towards me even if they were walking slowly, they seems fast and impossible to escape but I must try, I can't break Levi's and my promise. I will come back to him. I will go back, I will survive!

I dispatch the gear off my hips and run for my life away from the ravenous Titans. My ribs burning in flames of no mercy. Their stomps were heavy and strong, beating the ground to pulp. It was getting harder to see as the rain became thicker and heavier. The area ahead of me was dark and unknown, awaiting for me to join hell.

I'm scared.

I look back and I regret that I did.

The Titan behind me stomped hard, kicking the ground. It sent me flying and my body slammed into a tree hard, really hard. I cough out blood and I felt my whole entire body become numb. It was getting harder to breath in the thick misty ironed scented air and my sore ribs begging for a rest. Each breath I take was painful, expanding my ribs for my life. I watch the Titan continue to walk towards me, a grin plastered on its face with blood staining its teeth and its greasy hair wet down to its shoulders.

"(f/n)!" I hear a voice but it sounded far. Whoever called out for me was actually close. The Titan ahead of me fall down with steam floating out of it, it's dead?

A soldier was running up towards me, shouting my name, sounding so far and its figure fading and burry.

I'm sleepy...

"(f/n)!" The soldier finally made it to me and I could recognize the face.

"Hanji?" I slur.

"Yeah, damn you're in bad shape, don't worry I got you, we're retreating." She looks at me, her hazel orbs wide and shiny. It was almost blinding.

"I'm sleepy..." I slur, dropping my head to my side as Hanji gasp and held me straight up.

"Stay with me (f/n)!" She shouts but she still sounded far away.

"Good night Hanji..." I chuckle and fell into a deep slumber.

It was strange, it was quiet and dark, very dark. I couldn't hear a thing nor feel a thing, my whole body numb. It was like death, I don't think I'm breathing, It's quite scary actually.

And then I see things. I see pictures, more like videos of Levi and I. From the very start where and when we met, it was almost like I was having a flashback but I couldn't see myself watching it.

Levi... I love him with my life. I love him so much and he knows it.

We had no connections, no reasons why we should had met.

Maybe it was fate, a fate to create us into something incredible, something beautiful.

We never thought we would get this far.

Now it's funny that we're holding each other hands almost as if it was a plan.

Every time I hear your name, your voice, it almost seems like home, a home I never had experienced.

You don't understand how much you mean to me.

We gone so far, I wonder what I'll do without you.

Our love is strong and will never die.

Your voice is my new favorite song, your lips are the seal for our life contract.

It funny how we talked about our future as if we had a clue.

But I know we'll be something, something huge.

You make my mind flood all about you, about us.

How could I found someone so sweet and perfect?

You work your poison inside and it is taking over.

You bring me to life every day and nothing will stop that.

You are the reason why I'm here.

The reason why I fight.

The reason I fell in love.

You are everything to me.

And I think you know that.

Never in my life had I felt this complete.

But our journey won't end here.

Not until we get married, until we have children, not until we watch our children grow and be happy..

Not until we grow old...

*******

~Hanji POV~

"Retreat! We're retreating!" I shout out at my remaining Cadets.

"Fuck!" I curse, noticing (f/n) had passed out on me. This is not good. This is bad! She's bleeding! She needs to be taken into the wounded wagon. I lift her over my shoulder, I heard and felt a rib crack softly, she's really in bad shape. Levi is going to kill me! I carry her onto my horse, I made sure her arms were around me and in good position to ride out of this hell bound forest. We guide ourselves though the way out, some of my cadets taking down Titans that were in the way.

I really wanted to capture one today... But knowing (f/n) is deeply injured is more important to me than them. And I mean it!

"Squad Leader, Commander Erwin ordered everyone to meet up at zone 6 to get settle up before we reach back to the wall!" Moblit informs me as I nod and I had someone else sent out to tell the other groups out there. Thank god it was zone 6, it's halfway from the wall, (f/n) choose this map... It was prefect except for the forest area. We got to our horses and we quickly settled on and there I place (f/n) onto our one and only wagon, I covered her up with my cloak and I wrapped gauze around her bleeding head. This stupid rain... It wasn't supposed to rain today!

I rode aside the wagon, checking upon her, making sure her head wasn't jerking around. Oh my, I hope she'll be okay. She did what she was supposed to do, she fought and here she is, still alive. That is my Cadet, this is the Cadet I been with and had fun with ever since we had met. Losing her would be the worst thing that could happen in the HQ, especially for Levi...

Levi is going to kill me, most definitely...

When we got to the Zone I could already spot most groups already there and I saw Levi there... Waiting for her.

I frown, how am I going to tell him? She's injured... She's not dead, she's just injured this shouldn't be a problem.

"Commander, are all groups here yet?" I asked, signaling my squad to maneuver the wagon away and move her into the injured wagon with coverage.

"No not all, just two more. In the meanwhile get your squad settled and fed." He keeps a straight face as I nod and leap onto my feet. I look down at my hands and I see (f/n) blood stained but slowly wash away with the heavy rain. Her blood reminds me how badly she is, she won't make it. No she'll have to! She's (f/n), a girl who been through hell and experience injury.

"Oi Shitty Glasses!" Crap...

"Hey shortie!" I joked, grinning at the short stern Corporal.

"Where the hell is (f/n)?" He narrows his eyes up at me as I nervously laugh and rub the back of my pony tail.

"Ah, you see. A funny thing is that I don't think you should see her right now. She's quite busy at the moment." I lied, and it hurts me little by little. I knew this wasn't going to go far, I'm going to end up telling him the truth anyways so why bother?

"Tch, where is she? I don't care." He's a tough little cookie...

"Levi." I failed to hold myself in, my lips fall into a thin line.

"What?" He barks.

"She's injured." I said boldly, hey the truth was going to have to come out anyways.

"Tch I'm done with your stupid jokes." He scoffs and pushes himself pass me.

"Levi wait!" I call out for him, he stops and faces me with furrowed brows.

"She is really injured, during battle. I don't think you should see her." I'm not sure whether I made the situation bigger or smaller.

"What, is she dead?" He narrows his eyes.

"No she's not." I return the gaze. It's not funny to talk like that... "She's badly injured and I suggest you stay away from her. Don't get yourself worried about it Levi."

"Didn't you hear me? I'm fucking done with your shitty jokes!" He hisses and marches towards the wounded wagon. I march up towards him but he got there faster and burst the door open.

"Levi!" I call out but he widens his eyes at the familiar body he knew so well and loved. I was already too late to stop him.

"What the hell did you make her do?!" He yells, rushing bak to me he grabs my collar and pulls me down to the mucky ground.

"Let go of me Levi!" I hisses, twisting his arm.

"Answer me!" He burning with fury, his blood boils and his silver eyes are nothing for than the knifes of death.

"A Titan came out on us and caused the whole group to split. I was far off from her!" I hissed. "You're lucky I got to her before she was killed! She was the only one that survived from her small group!"

He stays silence and drops me back down to the mud. I push myself up and slide the mud off of me, I was already too filthy.

"How bad?" He asked.

"How bad what?" I scold.

"How bad is she?" He snarls.

"Very bad, she's going to need immediate attention when we get back to the Wall, right now medics are occupied with the others." I frown. "Please don't get this filled in your head Levi, we still need to focus on going back to the wall. She's going to be fine. I'll care for her."

"Bullshit." He curses and walked away. I sigh, he's going to force a medic to help her.

"(f/n)... Please be okay, we need you. Don't leave us, don't leave Levi. He need you, you're the only one that Levi needs and without you hell will be loose." I say as I slowly close the doors of the wagon she was inside. She laid there so still with her chest struggling to rise and fall with each breath.

She will be okay.

She's a soldier.

She will survive...


	3. Where Is Home?

I'm very cold.

I'm starving.

I'm tired.

I wanna go home.

Where is home?

I open my eyes to the bright room. My eyes string for mercy but I force them to focus my unknown surroundings. I was trapped in a room, pure pale white with several pale snow white beds with some curtain closed and some open. I find myself lying down on a soft cool bed, my head is wrapped around in cloth as my head pounds with excruciating pain. I groan pushing myself off the bed. My torso burns with agony as if thousands of blades were piercing me at once. I ignore the pain and struggle to keep on my feet. What was I doing in bed? I study my surrounding once more and I could tell the white beds were not empty but instead occupied with several people coated with blood stained glauze, glasses of water, needles, scissors, scalpels, and other tools that fits in a room that I know, what was it called?

"Ah, Miss (l/n)." A old lady voice grab my shoulder from behind. "You're awake."

"Ah!" I yelp as I swing around to slap the unknown hand off my shoulder, I face myself to her at my sight. Whoa, headspin...

"Oops, I didn't mean to scar-"

"Where am I?" I interrupted her.

"You're in the infirmary." Infirmary, that the word I was looking for!

"Why am I here?" I snap.

"You were terribly injured during battle, Miss (l/n). Please sit down I need to che-"

"Who is Miss (l/n)?" I grab a nearby sharp clean scalpel on a nightstand and aimed it at her.

"T-That's you, (f/n)." She gulps.

"Who is (f/n)? I thought I was Miss (l/n)!" I swing the blade as she screams and before I could had known it other nurses grab me from behind.

"Let go of me!" I screamed.

"Please stop Cadet (f/n), you're ripping out your stitches!" One of the ladies cried as I instantly felt the striking pain of my torso.

"Let go of me! Argh!" I push them back and cut one of the nurses arm as they let go. I crash down at the tray causing materials to clash down loudly.

"Ow..." I whimper as my wound in my torso ripped open and I could see blood drip out through my white gown.

"You're bleeding. You ripped your stitches open, (f/n). We need help here!" Nurse lady #1 screamed as I narrow my eyes at her and swing my scalpel.

"Who am I?! Who are you?! Where am I?! Why am I here, how did I get here? Hey!" I scream at the top of my lungs causing some of the patients in the room to moan and groan in pain.

"(f/n)! You're awake!" Another woman , this time she has glasses on, she entered into the room with a grin plastered on her lips but it soon faded with a big fat gap. "(f/n)! You're bleeding are you okay?"

"Stay away from me!" I hiss as she rush close to me. I wave the blade around and one of the nurse launches straight at me twisting my wrist tightly to cause me to cry out in pain and drop the blade.

"No!" I tried to escape her hold and other incoming hold as they pinned me to the ground.

"(f/n)!" The glasses lady cries out as she tries to get near me but the nurses push her back.

"Who is (f/n)? What is (f/n)? I'm not (f/n)! Stop calling me that!" I yell as I felt something prick into my forearm.

"(f/n)?" Another voice rush into my hearing as I noticed it was a man with dark raven dark and silver sharp eyes that seem to be filled with care and concern.

"W-What?" I slur as the prick on my forearm leaves, leaving behind it's juices inside me. Numbing me into another world. The man was rushing towards me but he was being push back by some nurses and the glasses lady but he toss them aside as if they were nothing more than a tear in paper. But I never saw him get near me as the whole world shuts down into total pitch black darkness.

********

"She can't fight anymore, Levi. She can't even remember her own name!" A deep harsh voice awakes me from my slumber, I groan in pain feeling the burning sensation in my torso where I was stitched up supposedly. I tried to lift up my gown to see the stitches but my hands were cuffed to the railing of the bed. What the hell?

"It's all fucking Hanji's fault that she is this way!" Another different harsh scary voice that send chills to run across my flesh.

"My fault?! We were split up and she risk herself in danger with those bastard of Titans!" A female voice screams. However I realize the female voice must belong to the glasses chick. I try to focus my eyes to evalutate what was going on around me, however I discover that I was in another room where it wasn't anything like the infirmary, my bed was the only bed and this time the room was beyond much smaller. Where am I?

"You were in charge to protect her!" The chilling voice dooms my head.

"Yeah I have to protect only her rather than the other several Cadets I have!" She hisses sarcastically.

"Enough you two!" The deep commanding voice roars their protest. "Levi, she is going to be sent home to her parents and that is final!"

What is going on?

"What?" The chilling voice almost seem to have all the air sucked out of him. "You can't do that, Erwin! I'll teach her everything she needs to learn goddamn it!"

Erwin? That must be the deep commanding voice...

"Levi! This is for her best. Erwin is right, (f/n) is be much safer with her parents in Wall Shina. You rather have her get killed by a Titan trying to control the gear? Hell, she could get herself killed accidentally by the blades!" The female roar, Levi must be the chilling voice.

"Have you forgotten Hanji?" Hanji? The female... "She was your damn Cadet, she was your fucking right hand soldier and you're okay letting her go?"

"Levi... Please..." Her voice was soft this time.

"Answer me!"

"No!" She cries. "I don't want to ever lose her but for her safety I am willing to do anything to make sure she is alive and well, even if I can't see her anymore! Wouldn't you Levi?! Wouldn't you do anything to make sure she is safe?"

There was silence.

"Erwin, she was the soldier whom you knew was strong and you wanted her to be promoted to a higher level but she refuses because she knew if she became leader she wouldn't be able to have free time to come around and help you with paperwork, talk, she was there to help you and you're okay letting her go?"

"We're all going to miss her Levi but she must go." Erwin voice was stern and shown no care in the world. I fight against my cuffs, hoping to break free and run away from this nonsense. None of this wasn't making any sense, it does not feel right either why? It makes me feel sick, I have the urge to puke. I need to run.

"You two are unbelievable!" Levi chilling voice snaps into hell. "She was the heartbeat of this damn HQ and you two are taking it away. You two are disgusting, stupid, fuckin-"

"Levi!" Erwin yells.

"I love her!" There was a strong bang that shook the walls, I sealed my eyes shuts afraid something bad was going to happen but there was a moment of silence. "And you two know that."

His voice returns.

"Levi, please." The female voice pleads.

"You two are taking her away from me. Do you two have any clue how much she means to me? Do you?!"

"Enough Levi!" Erwin blood boils. "I'm sorry about (f/n) but she is not safe here and that is final!"

Actually wasn't it final some time ago? Oh well. I hear him stomp away as Levi mutter curses loudly. Before I could had prepared for it, the door slams open and enters the Devil known as Levi.

"Eh?" I whimper as I felt fear prickling my skin.

"Levi what are you doing?" Damn, what was her name again?

"Get out Hanji, if you two are going to fucking take her away from me than at least give me time to be with her." Hanji! That's her name! Wow, how cause I forget for a split second?

"What are you guys going to do to me?" I whimper as he widen his eyes for a brief moment before looking away from me in misery.

"You're only hurting yourself Levi..." With that Hanji shuts the door softly behind her.

"How do you feel?" His voice was over 1000x more softer than he had outside the door.

"My whole body hurts." I frown. "Where am I?"

"Don't be stupid, (f/n)." There it is again, (f/n), who is that? "You know where you are."

"N-No I don't, please. U-Uncuff me. I want to go home." I plead, pulling on my cuffs.

"No, you can't. I can't lose you (f/n)." He loses all the air from his lungs.

"Who is (f/n)?" I felt tears prickle in my eyes. "I kept asking but no one would tell me. Please tell me what is (f/n)."

"Don't be stupid! I'm not playing this game with you!" He hisses as I wince and tears stream down.

"Who is (f/n)?!" I scream.

"That's you!" He barks back. "That is your name! (f/n) (l/n)!"

"(f/n) (l/n)..." I whisper my name, it feels familiar to me but it is like a screen of fog.

"Yes. (f/n) (l/n)..." He frowns and tries to grasp my hand but I resist, forming my hand into a tight ball.

"Who are you?" I gulp.

"(f/n) please..." He pinches the bridge of his nose.

"Please tell me. I don't understand what is going on and I want to know at least a few things to relax myself." I blink out my tears so that I can see him.

"Levi Ackerman." He tells me and I mouth out his name.

"Levi." I roll out his name, Another screen of fog. "What is going to happen to me? What are you guys doing to me? I'm scared."

"Nothing is going to happen to you (f/n), I won't let it." He clenches his jaw tightly.

"Who is Erwin?" I asked and he widen his eyes.

"How do you know Erwin?" He ask harshly.

"You were screaming his name outside the door. Also another name of Hanji..." I pull on the cuffs.

"Erwin is the bastard who wants to throw you out of here. Hanji is another piece of shit." He growls that send shivers onto my skin.

"But Erwin says that he is going to send me home. I want to go home." I growl, pulling against my shackles harshly. If they won't break than I will rip out the railing along with me. I wince in pain of the burning fury pain in my torso. "Let me out of here!"

"You can't go back!" He snaps, grabbing my shackles.

"Why?!" I scream.

"Because you belong here!" He narrows his eyes at me. "This is your home!"

"Bullshit!" I cried out. "Get me out of here!"

"Shut the hell up!" He slams his hand over my lips to silence my pleads. What the hell is his problem?! I bite his hand and he jump back narrowing his gaze deeper at mine.

"(f/n)?" A group of nurses burst in. "Levi? What are you doing here?"

"Nurse! Please uncuff me! I don't want to be in this bed anymore! This man was trying to kill me!" I lied as the nurse target Levi and grabbed him to take him out the room.

"She's fucking lying! (f/n)!" He yells as he is being pushed away.

"Corporal Levi please leave the room, even if she lied you cannot be in the room with her. She need to change for check out."

"Check out?" He questions one of the nurses.

"She is leaving later today."

"What?! No!" He howls and now he is fighting to get back in the room but a big man with a dirty blonde mustache grabs him and pulls him out without a problem.

"Get you fucking hands off of me, Mike! (f/n)! Try to remember!" He shouts out before the door shuts.

"That man is bloody insane!" I hiss as the nurses frown.

"That man will become insane once you're gone." They pop up my gown to check on the stitches.

"And why is that?" I scoff.

"He was once your lover." Nurse #1 says as if it was a abandon secret.

"Pfft, that is ridiculous! I never met him in my life!"

"(f/n) you are suffering a major memory loss from your incident in battle. It must be terrifying to not remember what your surroundings are..."

"Huh? Memory loss but I never was in a incident! I do know, see that is a chair!" I point at a chair a few meters away.

"Did you know that there are Titans outside our walls? Did you know we have wall that protect us from those beasts?" She narrows her eyes.

"Titans? Walls?" I'm baffled.

"Exactly. Just how you don't remember Levi but he was once your lover and you two were... Were in so much love, you two were inseparable and now it hurts us all how far you two are now..."

"No! That's not true! Levi and I never even see each other until this day. I refuse to believe that!" I cried.

"There no point of believing it when it was already true. Well, lost truth." She cleans and wipe my stitches with alcohol. I wince at the cool touches of the cotton.

"When you get home a nurse will be at your side at all time to care after your wound and your head. You won't remember your parents but you will have to. After all, they are your parents, they must be heart broken to find out their daughter is suffering memory loss."

I fight the urge to cry but the pain of the burning stitches are far too much to ignore.

That rude man named Levi used to be my lover? How is that possible? I would never love a stern foolish man like him!

How could I?


	4. Suffering Thoughts

"Please put this on." A blonde nurse hands me a flowy white gown, it looks more like a nightgown than a gown to wear outside but what was I to complain? She doesn't leave the room for me to change but I knew they can't trust me to be alone. I roll my eyes and slid off the old bloody gown and slide on the new one. Once it was settled nicely on my shoulders I instantly felt the cool fabric relax against my skin.

"Can I sit down?" I asked, scrunching my face in pain as she nods and help me to sit back down on the mattress.

"Okay now that you are dressed, I need to tell you about your medication." She says as if I was a small infant. Jeez...

She pulls out three bottles of the nightstand aside me. The bottles were white with black inked labels onto them, printed in my name and simple directions. The only difference in the bottles was the colored caps, red, blue, and green.

"This one," she holds up the green bottle. "is pain relief. Whenever you feel pain ask your nurse, she will check your wounds to see what is causing the pain but if she doesn't find the problem then she'll give you a tablet. However you are only limited to take two a day, choose your pain wisely."

Pain... I can barely walk, not to mention even standing! I'm going to need more than two.

"Understand?" She press her voice harshly, I nod.

"Okay good, this next one is very important..." She place down the green bottle down and raise up the red one. "These are for your massive killer headaches."

"Headaches?" I inquired at her as she could only nod.

"You haven't gotten the symptoms yet but they'll come soon and when they do, it will hurt like hell." I feel fear sneaking up behind me. "They'll hit you like a hurricane, and when they do hit you tell your the nurse to give you one. You are limited to only one tablet each day, if one day a headache doesn't occur then don't waste a pill, think of them as your life savers."

"Okay." I gulp.

"Don't worry, these headaches won't last forever, just for a while and next thing you'll know they disappear." She smiles, well thanks for scaring the shit out of me...

"Last of them all, this blue will help you focus." Focus? "These will help you to not forget anything that you barely had memorized. These are useful, however you are only limited to one a day, we can't have you overdoes yourself. Understand?"

"Yes I understand." I frown as she nods and stands up.

"Commander Erwin wishes to see you privately, I'm going to allow him inside so see behave yourself." Commander Erwin?! I nod trying my best to no show my excitement, he's the one who is sending me home right? Yes! I need to thank him! She brushes her lab coat as she exits and a tall blonde man enters, he's wearing the same uniform as the man Levi did, only difference was his emerald necklace. He has a cardboard bag in on hand, my head itching to know what is inside the bag. The door shuts with a quiet lock as the air stands still, he stands at the entrance of the door, not talking, no greeting, nothing, just a wry smile. Not long until his boots echos the room walking towards me, grabbing a nearby chair to place across me. My voice is long behind hidden behind my sealed shut lips as he seated himself down, settling the bag aside him on the floor, and let out a big tiring sigh.

"I'm Commander Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps. I control the entire Headquarters here." He greets me, informing with already too much information.

"Survey Corps?" I mumble to myself.

"I know this must be tough for you (f/n), we all do." He sky blue eyes glister upon mine. "But this is for the best of you."

"Who's we?" My voice breaks free.

"Your friends." He frowns.

"I-I'm sorry but I don't know remember having friends."

"I see. I wonder how does it feel to be so lost." He mutters as I begin to tangle my fingers together.

"W-Why are you here to see me?" I stutter as he doesn't focus his gaze upon mine any more.

"I came to say my farewells." He says, his tone full of unforgiving sorrows. I don't understand, why is he so upset? Didn't he wanted to let me go?

"Why are you so unhappy about me leaving?" I huffed. "Aren't you the one who wanted me to go home?!"

He focus his gaze back onto me harshly, as if I pulled the trigger to his anger.

"I don't want you to go home, I'm doing it for your safety!" He growls but struggle to keep his tone on the same level.

"Because I'm suffering from this stupid memory loss you feel bad for me." I frown. "I don't like it when others have to suffer the pain for me."

He studies me, dumbfounded.

"I don't remember you and I know it must hurt you but please don't look so sad..."

"(f/n)...You were the best goddamned solider I had ever met. You hold in pain, it so astounding." He praises me as I'm left speechless. I was a solider?

"Commander Erwin, her ride is here." A knock at the door startled me as Erwin never leaves his eyes from me. Already?

"She'll be right out soon." He dismisses the voice as he stands up and holds out the bag towards me. "Theses are yours."

"What is it?" I asked quietly.

"Your uniform." He turns away to face the open window. I pull out a unfamiliar green cloak with the same matching symbol on his khakis jacket back, shoulders and breast pocket.

"This is mine?" I mutter as he hums in response.

"I don't remember this, sorry. It matches the same symbols on your jacket though."

"It's called the Wings Of Freedom, it symbolize 'the hope of mankind'."

"Hope of mankind?" I don't understand at all, I slide the garment back into the bag.

"Yes. I think it is time for you to leave." As if every passing second is ripping him apart. "Farewell Cadet (l/n), may you have a safe ride."

He says, turning back to face me. His lips were stern and his eyes were obvious filled with pain. Please... He calls out the nurse to enter as I struggle to stay on my two feet. The now new nurse helps me with the bag and allowed me to wrap my arm over her shoulders. I don't understand anything at all, this is far too much! Walking down the halls I could see a opening entrance with two people standing aside the door. Close enough I instantly recognize them, Hanji and the other one was the man with the dirty blonde mustache who dragged Levi out of the room back then. Getting closer they both rise a hand to their chest and one to their back, what is that?

Wait, where is Levi?

"H-Hey!" I breathe at the glasses lady. Pushing back from the nurse. "Where is the other one?"

"Huh? Other one?" She rises an eyebrow.

"His name is Levi, where is he?" I asked as she widen her eyes. She look over at the other man for a moment before dropping her gaze to the floor.

"He's in his office."

"Why isn't he wishing me farewell?" I puffed as the nurse pulls me to continue to the carriage outside.

"Miss (f/n), please let's get going."

"Why isn't he?" I asked once more harshly at the woman.

"Does it matter? He doesn't wish to see you leave, his poor soul is already sore, he doesn't need more pain." Pain... He is in pain too, and it is because of me. Please stop... Why is he suffering for me? I felt all the muscle in my body vanish as the nurse drags me away.

"Farewell my assistant." Her voice rings behind me.

"Farewell loser." The dirty blonde man voice croaks behind me as well. Loser? What? Their voices were...Hurt? Am I causing them pain too? Why?

"Oh my baby!" A middle aged woman jumps out of the carriage pushing past from the guards.

"Mrs. (l/n), please be careful she is in pain." The nurse warns the woman as she stands in front of me in tears.

"Oh my poor baby (f/n)!" She grabs my hand and squeeze tightly as if I was slipping away from her. "It's me, your mother."

"Mom?" I inquired.

"Yes baby! Yes!" She sniffs as another middle aged man steps aside her and widen his eyes holding back his tears.

"(f/n)." He croaks, reaching out to caress my check. I at first resist his touch of his rough hand feels like a lost warmth I long yearn for.

"Dad?" My voice breaks as an uninvited tear streams down my face, he chokes a smile wiping my tear away with his thumb.

"Let's go home, baby girl." He says as I reluctantly nod. Mom helped me to walk to the wagon as soldiers toss in a last bag in the trunk, slamming the lift shut, everything ready to set off. My heart race as Mom and Dad entered the carriage first. Then the nurse jumps in and she helps me up in the carriage. Mom and Dad are talking to me but their words are muted to my ears as I gaze back at the giant castle.

"This is your home!"

His taunting cursed voice booms inside my head.

"(f/n) are you alright?" The nurse pulls my out of my head as I nervously smile.

"Y-Yeah, I-I'm fine. Just confused..."

"Let me know if you need something." She smile, I nod and turn back at the window. I need answers... The castle was now being pulled away from us as the horse clop against the dirt floor. The Castle has answers...

"(f/n)! Try to remember!"

I'm trying...

"Nothing is going to happen to you (f/n), I won't let it."

I'm going home, but you didn't want me to leave, why? If you did not want me to leave then why aren't you here stopping me? Isn't that how it works? I don't understand.

"I can't lose you (f/n)."

Why can't you?

"What will happen after this?" I asked the nurse."What will happen once I get home?"

"Well you'll live a normal life in Wall Shina, with your parents of course." She smiles as she pulls out a long piece of paper that seems to be instructions.

"Will I ever come back to that castle?" I point back at the shrinking building.

"No."

"There is no need to back there dear, I knew you shouldn't have join that terrible place." Mom shakes her head. I wanted to join there? Why?

"Please honey, she wanted to join there to serve for humanity." My Dad rubs Mom's back as more questions pop into my pulsing thoughts. Serve for humanity? Why? What exactly is the Survey Corps?

"Yes I understand, my little brave (f/n)." She sniffs and grabs my hand again.

I won't be able to return there... Because I don't remember? Why would Levi want me to stay back there, did he not know that I was suffering memory loss? No, he did know so why did he still want me back there? What was I to him?

"He was once your lover."

That's impossible... Why was he my lover? How did we even get together? I look back at the castle, it was getting smaller and more smaller. Is it already too late? Yeah it is. Why go back? There is no purpose to go back. I'll get myself killed by the deadly blades Erwin once mention yelling at Levi about. Pfft, is it really worth getting answers by risking myself killed?

"To hell with it..." I groan, popping the window wide open.

"Stop the carriage!" I screamed, propping the door open as the carriage reluctantly followed my order.

"(f/n)! What are you doing? Stop!" My parents and the nurse scream as I fall to the floor, the carriage still slowly moving away as I picked up a rock and throw it to the horses. The stone softly and barely hit the horse leg but it startled it to pace forward. However the nurse was not afraid to jump out of the carriage afar as the driver yell for the horses to stop. She was racing after me, her white lab coat frittering around in the force of the wind as I force myself to get up from the ground.

"No!" I scream as I push myself forward, limping toward the far castle. I can't leave with these unanswered questions haunting my head, I need answers.

"(f/n)! Please!" I ignored her howling voice as I clench my sore torso, still racing to the building. It's so far, I'm in pain, my head is hazy, my heart is racing, all of this for just answers. I can't go home, not yet.

"Stop!" Her voice attacked my ear as she grabs my waist, careful to not add too much pressure on me.

"No! Please let me go!" I dig my nails into her arm as she howls in pain. She lets go of my waist, dropping me to my knees as my feet fails to maintain hold to my weight. I start to crawl, the brutal rocks and pebbles scratching my delicate flesh. My dress repelling to help me as I stumble and fall forward onto my chest.

"Ugh!" I groan in pain as I heard a loud shot nearby, looking behind me was a red streak that stains up to the sky coming from the nurse. A flare?

"(f/n) enough fighting, we're going to have to return back. Let me check your stitches." The nurse snaps, stomping towards me. I widen my eyes and tried to crawl away but she grabs my feet twisting me to face up to the sky. The sun's bright light blinds me as I felt her hand pulls down the collar of the gown to check my stitches, peeking down at my breast. What the?!

"(f/n)!" I hear my parents screaming in the distance as the nurse nods and sighs.

"Surprising your stitches are fine. The doctors had tighten your stitches, I can see why." She narrows her eyes at me as I scoffed at her retort. Someone got attitude.

"What's going on?" Dad panics as the nurse pulls me up to her shoulders taking us both to our tired feet.

"We're going to have to go back to the Headquarters."The nurse sighs as my heart leaps a beat in excitement.

"What? Why?" Mom cries as Dad widen his eyes.

"She just put herself in a dangerous situation, it's safer to have her rest up in the Headquarters."

"(f/n), why did you do that?" Mom pleads me for an answer.

"I don't think I want to go home, Mom." I frown and I know that I may hurt her at that single moment, damn it. "I'm so sorry, Mom. Dad..."

"Why don't you?" Dad frowns.

"I don't know but something in my head is telling me that I need to go back." I sniff, great now I'm crying.

"I see." The nurse softy mutters, slightly smiling.

Soon enough the carriage returns to us, the driver obviously upset with me, this time the nurse sit up with the driver as I noticed other people on horses race towards us. The red flare must had summon them to come...

"(f/n), what gone through your head jumping out of the carriage?" Dad lectures me as I sniff and wipe my eyes.

"Well I doubt any of you guys will let me out of the carriage." I mumble.

"Tell me why again you want to return back to the castle?" Mom rubs my back.

"I-I don't know, just a feeling. Just questions without answers." I sigh, wiping my tear eyes. I gaze the window, the wind blowing against my face and hair, drying my dreadful tears as the castle now grew closer and closer.

"This is your home!"

Home...

It doesn't take long until we make it back into the HQ. As we enter back into the halls there were many Cadets giving us concern looks and surprise faces, yeah, yeah the girl with memory loss is back inside the HQ. The nurse help me limp back into the same small room I was once in.

"Your old nurse will be back to check up on you. Here, you think you can change back into this?" She pulls out a infirmary white gown as I nod and slid off the filthy gown I was once wearing as I quickly place on the new one. She smooths out the sheets on my bed as I groan to lay down slowly to ease the burning pain. She lifts my legs for me onto the mattress and brought the sheets to settle upon my tired body.

"Okay I need to go now." She wryly smile and take her leave out the room.

"Wait what will happen after this?" I breathe but I was too late as the door shuts behind her. Great, another unanswered question. I stare up at the blank ceiling hoping for a picture to pop up, anything to distract this uninvited thoughts in my head. Sobbing mother. Confused father. Stressed nurse. Pissed driver. Suffering "friends". And my unclear mind.

"Welcome back (f/n), the same old nurse walks into the room a wry smile played on her lips. I don't reply, instead I feel my lips fall into a dreadful frown.

"I didn't think I'll see you back." She laughs, I can't tell whether it was a cheerful laugh, a irritated laugh, or a nervous laugh. I don't see what could be funny honestly, If I was her I would've lectured me to death.

"I'm going to check your wounds." She settle her leather bag down on a stool as she pulls the sheets down to my knees and props open my gown.

"How do you feel now?" She asks, preparing a wet alcoholic cotton with her tongs, settling the ball against my stitched wounds.

"Tired." I say weakly.

"Hm, a nice good rest will do." The nurse smiles as she pecks more to disinfect my mistakes. Not long she packs her equipment. "Can I get you something before I go?"

"A glass of water..." I mumble buttoning back the infirmary white gown.

"Okay, I'll be back with your water." She says calmly as she takes her leave out to the door. Why is she so calm? I was supposed to be sent out to return home and here am I back, normally patients that leave the infirmary are not supposed to be back until a long while... I'm left alone in the room, the window opened to allow the fresh cool breeze and the sun casting its light in the room. The weather is in a good mood, maybe it wanted me to go home too? Pfft, what am I thinking? How could weather have feelings? The nice warm feeling of the room swings me back and front, forcing me to be awake but pushes deeper for me to shut my eyes to a deep heavy slumber. Wait, I can't sleep yet, my glass of water...

*****

Remember...

Remember what?

Who you once were...

Why do I need to remember that?

To solve the puzzle...

Puzzle?

Yes, the puzzle... The last puzzle piece...

What puzzle?

Your puzzle...

"What?" I mumble, waking up confused. What was that? I take note of the ceiling, it was still blank as ever but it wasn't bright pale as it was before. I turn my head to the side to face the window but I find something else instead. More like someone instead.

"You're awake." The deep voice booms my head as I focus the details on the man's face. It's him. "You were talking in your sleep."

"What time is it?" I slur, rubbing my face with my left hand as I find my right hand tangled with his. Huh?

"It's eighteen hundred." I slept for that long? I guess it seems legit, the room was not bright as it was like before, the sun must be settling down for it's nap.

"What were you dreaming?" He asked, letting a small squeeze on my hand as I immediately felt uncomfortable with his touch. I pull my hand away from his as I fake rubbing my temples as a excuse to leave his grasp.

"I don't remember, it was weird. Maybe it wasn't a dream? A flashback? No, I have nothing to flash back to." I groan, that's right I have nothing to remember instead I have thousands of questions in my head. He doesn't say anything in return, probably struggling to keep his feeling inside.

"Why didn't you wish me farewell?" I croak, my throat dry like dust storm that decided to make a quick trip down my throat and out. I need water... He notices my dry voice as he sighs and grabs the mug of water on the nightstand, she must had left it there when I was asleep... I gladly accepted the mug as I painfully gasp to sit myself up.

"Oi careful!" He barks, placing the mug back down now helping me to sit up. I felt my face redden as his hands landed on my back, lifting me up. Something about his touch is bothering me...

"T-Thank you." I stutter as I try to hide my face in my messy hair.

"Here drink up." He grabs the mud in a weird way, grabbing the top of the mug rather than by the handle. I wonder why he did that. I grab the mug by the handle and allow the sweet room temperature liquid gush drown the my desert throat. It was an instant relief as I let out a deep heavy sigh afterwards. He takes the mug away as I wipe my lips.

"Better?" He's awfully acting kind.

"You didn't answer me." I hiss, still not having the gut to look at him in the eye. The way he had acted to the Commander was dangerous enough. "Why didn't you wish me farew-"

"Why should I?" He interrupts, kicking in his inner demon.

"You said you weren't going to let anything happen to me, you said you didn't want me to leave." I retort back. "But I didn't see not one attempt to stop me from leaving. Even if you failed to do that, why didn't you at least wish me farewell?"

"I failed to stop you from leaving, didn't I?" He scoffs. "Well I knew I had no power to do that, just to have you leave was the only option there was for me."

So he lied about it?

"So why should I watch or even wish the person that is about to leave my life in a mess a farewell?" He growls, I can feel his gaze drill burning holes in my skull. I was going to leave his life a mess? Rude.

"What about a dying person?"

"A dying person? That's different, they are leaving life itself."

"How am I any different from a dying person?" I clench the sheets tightly. "I'm suffering memory loss and I was going somewhere I never been to. Like a dying person would be leaving to a another world."

"(f/n)." He sighs. "Knowing you leaving my life forever was hell itself for me. How can dying watch another dying being?"

My heart sink in the deep mellows of darkness.

"I'm sorry." I sniff.

"For what?" He sighs reaching out for my hand, releasing my hand from a tight ball.

"Why am I making everyone suffer because of me? I'm making you suffer, Mom and Dad, the lady Hanji is suffering, the Commander, and the blonde man. I don't understand. Why am I doing that, I should be the only one suffering, I shouldn't be the one to cause others pain!" I cry, crushing his hand but he was much stronger than I am as he squeeze back to relax me. I don't care at the moment that his hand is bothering with it's touch, releasing my strength against his felt calming. I hide my sobbing face away from his view, I'm an utter mess.

"You're not the one giving us pain, (f/n)." He whispers. "We're causing pain to ourselves."

"What?" I choke confused. How is that possible?

"Hanji feels guilty for not protecting you. Erwin is most likely to feel guilt to have to let you go. I hate myself for not being there for you when you were in danger, I wasn't able to and that what kills me inside to allow you to face near death all by yourself." He's now applying a lot more force in my hand. I hiss and pull my hand away, I wasn't sure whether he mumbled an apology or scoffed. It was awkward silence afterwards, nothing more than my sniffing and the blowing breeze. I wrap my arms around despite the irritating burn from my stitches.

"What is happening now?" I whisper, afraid of his inner demon would snap free again.

"I don't know." He whispers back. "All I know is that right after you came in Erwin was talking to your parents with your home nurse, anything beside that I have no clue. I wish I could tell you but I know nothing." He groans, irritated with himself. I want to tell him it was alright but my mind tells me to keep shut.

"What could happen?" He looks back up down at me, running his hand through his silky ebony dark locks.

"You could either be sent back home." No... "Or come back here. Who fucking knows what is going on in his mind."

"I see."

"Why did you jump out of the carriage? Did you wanted to come back here?" I frown and turn to face him, he wore a serious expression with a thin line and furrowed eyebrows.

"I'm not sure what went through my mind at that moment but I guess it because I needed answers, I was leaving with unanswered questions. Though I don't know if I want to be here, I heard the woman named Hanji yelling at you that I could be killed here..."

"I could teach you everything you need to know, how to fight. I can reteach you everything." He is enlighten but he doesn't show emotion on the outside, just the same stern picture.

"I don't want to fight, what exactly am I fighting for?"

"For humanity." He says, rolling his eyes for a brief moment, almost as if he couldn't believe his words. "Protecting them from the Titans that lays outside these walls."

"I don't know what Titans or walls are." I press my lips in a thin line as he nods.

"I think I can teach you about them, Shitty Glasses is more better at it than I am." He scoffs.

"Shitty Glasses?"

"Hanji."

"What? Why do you call her that?" I chuckle as he widen his eyes for a moment before perishing back into the sharp narrow gaze.

"Never mind that. You need to rest, I have things to discuss with your parents..." He stands up and walks towards the door but stops half way in the middle of his sentence. "This would be the first time I'm meeting your parents..."

"Yeah?" I slant my head to the side in confusion.

"Nothing. Now rest." He shakes his head and leaves. What was the big deal? I'm left in the room all alone again still with unanswered questions. Great... I pull myself off the bed and head towards the private bathroom,despite the burning pain I find a small candle and matches near the sink. I strike the match and lit the candle, bringing the light to scare away the darkness. I stare at myself in the mirror, all I could see was a worn out little weak girl, so lost because her head is locked in another treasure chest that yearns to be found. There was a layer of dark bags under my (e/c) eyes and a scar that sits on my left side cheekbone, my (h/c) hair balled in a frilly nest and shines with oily stains. Gross... What was the last time I took a shower? Did they really expect to release me like this? I unbutton my gown down to my belly as I note the small deep stitches that paint my torso. There was one small stitch that drew up across upon my left breast to my clavicle, another small one going down on my sternum, and a large long one that starts under my right breast and streaks across to my left side hip bone. How did I survive with that long cut? How did I even get that?

It doesn't matter, it will leave scars behind, hideous scars... I close my gown back on, disappointed in my growing scars, once the stitches are out my new gore body will take its place to display. I look around the shower for any hopes to find shampoo and conditioner but there wasn't any. I guess I'm going to have to wait for the nurses or doctor to give me permission to shower, jeez... I step out of the restroom and limp back towards the bed; there is nothing to do but to sleep through time.

What did he mean this is his first time meeting my parents? Of course it would be, right? Why does it even matter if he does or doesn't? What does he have to say to them anyways?


	5. Nightmares

The screams were growing louder as each minute pass by. My legs are begging for a rest but I keep on running in the dark dense forest. 

Why am I running? What am I running from? 

The moon was my only light source from the cold atmosphere and the tall gory trees. Something was very odd about the trees but I paid no good attention to it as my heart beats rapidly for hopes of an escape from this hell.

'What is happening?' I try to scream but my lips were unwillining to reveal my voice to the area. The words only floated in my head, taunting me with its dark questions.

I stop to catch a breath, throwing myself at a nearby tall tree. I lean against the bark but it was strangely too soft and cold; nothing like old bark should feel like... I push myself away from the trunk to see what could give a young adult like me nightmares for the rest of my life.

Bodies.

Bodies everywhere. 

I fall back onto my bottom, the mucky dirt staining my white nightgown. There were bodies coating the all tree trunks around me, stained in blood and limbs popping out in ways that cannot be formed normally. The faces were blured with blood and dirt as if I was not meant to know their identity.

I turn onto my hands and knees as vomit pump out of me. The acidic taste coated my taste buds and slightly burning my throat.

'"RUN!!!" The chasing voice screamed, a deafening sound that caused me to leap back onto my feet. My heart is throbbing fast like clopping hooves of a racing horse stomping against the hard ground. Blood swimming and dying, muscle tearing, hair flowing, scars ripping, tears swarming, and fear overtaking its throne in my head. 

'Leave me alone!' I scream but my words were still mute. Sudden lights beam down onto the trees, exposing the thousands dead corpses pinned onto the trees. The rotten stench overwhelms the air and moisting the freezing zephyr.

"(f/n)!" The screams tone changed into a softer voice with panic. 

'Leave me alone! Please!' I cried, begging for my voice to spill. 

"WHERE ARE YOU GOING, CHILD!?" The scream returns, overruling the softer voice. I tripped over a large stone that scrapped my flesh off of my shin. I cried out in pain and looked back towards the direction of the screaming voices. There was nothing but shadows that swallows the area I once run pass through. I force mself to get up but gravity pushes me back down onto the soil.

'No!' I scream in my head as muddy hands raise from the earth and their bony fingers wrap around my wrist. I fight the grasp but it was far too strong for me to free myself. What felt like gritty vines wrapped over my knees, tightening my knees to the ground along with my hands and ankles. I try to scream out for help but no matter how hard I try, my voice is still too shy to even let out a small squeak. My throat feels harshy tight and pulled as if it was forcing sound to come out.

"(f/n) wake up!" The soft voice returns, shouting for me to wake up? I don't understand I'm already awake.

'Let go of me!' I cry, pulling against the hands and vines. My heart is beating fast enough that it would seem like it could explode. I grunt closing my eyes as the pain in my chest was far too much for me to handle. The hands were excessively tight, stopping the blood flow to my hands. 

"DON'T YOU CRY CHILD, YOU'LL BE BACK." The demonic voice laughs, the hands and vine around me had fallen allowing me to rub my wrist and legs for my blood to flow back. 

'Back? Back for what?!' I sob, staring at the dark abyss where I could only guess where the voice had came from.

************

"(f/n)!" I bolt my eyes open, the sudden bright light blinding me from seeing anything. I open my eyes again and I could see the female Hanji looking down at me as the light calmly soften from my eyes. 

"Eh?!" I gasp, blinking tears away from my eyes. I shuffle away from her, her hands on my wrist preventing me moving away from her. Where am I?

"(f/n) calm down, you were having a bad dream." She nervously laugh as she lets go of my wrist and stood back. I sit up and find myself in the same room from yesterday. 

"Breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. You're panting harshly (f/n)." She tells me her lips in a straight thin line. I lift my hand to my neck, wipping away my cold sweat as I do what she had told me. Instantly my breathing calms down to a regular pace, slightly surprising me. I wipe my tears from my eyes to see her better.

"W-Where am I?" I croak, my voice slipping through my dry tight throat.

"Good morning to you too. Well, you're still here in the HQ even though you were suppose to take off to Wall Shina." She let out a some what laugh with shrugged shoulders. I don't get what is funny. . . "Which brings me to say, why did you come back?"

I'm surprise at the sudden question before realizing we're back in reality; yesterday was when I escaped the carriage, wasn't it?

"I need answers." I cough out. "And water."

She laughs again and grabs yesterday's glass of water that sat on the nightstand aside me. I take the glass to my lips and sip, the water was warm and I instantly my sandpaper throat recovers.

"Continue on." She urges me to speak out the words she wants to hear, the answer she seeks for. 

"Why do you care? What is going on here?" I hiss, it's not fair for her to drain answers from me without giving any answers to mine in return. 

"You're my Cadet, I care about every small thing you do in your life, (f/n)." She furrows her eyebrows and glowers back at me.

"What?" I widen my eyes at her. Cadet? "I'm sorry but I do not belong to you. Now answer me, what is going on? Am I going to stay here or are will you toss me away again?"

She is taken back at my retort, muting herself to process her thoughts as I take more sips of the warm water. Who the hell does she think she is?

"You've changed a lot (f/n). . ." She mutters softly, almost as if she was disapointed in me.

"That doesn't answer any of my questions." I huff, squeezing the glass tightly in my grasp. I don't understand, I've changed? Exactly how was I before? 

"Commander Erwin had spoken to your parents, your nurse, and doctor. They think you'll best here, slowly regaining your memories, information, and your past itself. I think it's dangerous for you to be here regardless, however the HQ is in dangerous without you either way." She does it again, laughing nervously. "Your parents had left already and they sincerely will dearly miss you. Though they are staying in Wall Rose, district Trost in order to stay in contact with you for any emergency. You're back here is your humble home, the Survey Corps."

She finally answers my question, one down tons to go. . .

"So, what happens from here?" I gulp as her lips turn into a sour grin.

"I'm glad you asked!" She stands up out of the blues causing me to slightly jump on my bed. The wooden chair screeches sliding back before falling back onto the polished floors. "But first of course, go on and take your medicine."

She grins and pull out a tray where a single blue pill lay there with a small cup of water. The blue pill, what was it for again? I take the pill between my index finger and thumb and pop it into my mouth, I then take the cup and dunk it all in. 

"Okay, now that is done." I place back the cup onto the tray and she takes it away back onto the nightstand. "Time to inform you what you are, where you will be, and what would happen."

"Okay?..." I nervously mutter at her only growing grin that haunts her lips. 

"First, what are you? You are my Cadet." She says it with pride both hands on her hips.

"And what is that suppose to mean?" I hiss, I do not belong to anyone or to anything. I'm human and I belong to myself.

"That means you will follow every and each of my orders."

"What? So basically I'm a slave? Bullshit, what if I don't do every each of your orders?" I scoff, I was once a slave here in this place? What the hell was I thinking before the hit?

"Slave?" She laughs, "Do not think of it that way (f/n), but like you asked what if you don't do what you are told then I would have to punish you. Punishment can be cleaning toliets to taking away your free days into work days, trust me you're going to want your free days. To think about it, before you lost your memories I never gotten to give you any type of punishments; you were that sweet little angel who does their work."

"Sweet little angel? Pfft, how could I be a sweet angel if I was slaved?" I scoff.

"Slave is a meaning where you are beaten to do work." She narrows her eyes at me and I immediately felt her threatening glare drilling into my skull. "I do not beat you and never had."

She was serious and I should know better than to piss her off more. I nod and gaze my eyes down onto the sheets above my hips. Jeez - I could already felt my bones sore and tired from work without even doing a single thing.

"Okay moving on now that we got that over with. Where would you be? You will be by my side at all times as my assistant. Running errands, paperwork, planning with me, and lunch together. It's easier to think of us as best friends never leaving each other side." She holds a soft smile of her lips, remembering the past. Best friends? And how exactly does that work or even feel like? I mutter a 'okay' to allow her to continue on with her other topic.

"Next, what would happen? As I am in control of you and responsible for you, I will spend a majority of your time and mine to teach you all about Titans for your safety and other. We can't just send you out in battle not knowing your enemies." Her lips form back into that once again sly grin and her glasses reflecting off the light. "You'll love Titans, they are just so amazing and unique! Once you are getting to know them better you'll be my little scientist like me! Back then you never liked them but maybe this time it'll be different!"

She explodes in excitement out of nowhere clenching her fist out in front of her as I look at her funny. Love Titans? Okay?...

"So, you'll be the one to teach me how to fight?" I asked, watching her recover from her excitement; she shakes her head side to side.

"That is Levi's job. He has of course agreed to teach you know to control and fight with the 3D maneuver gear. He never had taught a Cadet with private lessons like he will to you, making you as his own personal Cadet." She laughs, looking down at me as if I was shining with gold. "Lucky you he is a professional at the maneuver gear, earning the title Humanity's Strongest Soldier. But unlucky for you, he is harsh and doesn't take laziness as a excuse. Once I have taught you more about the gear you then I will start to allow him to start his lessons. Like I said, I am in control of you which means I can make you take his lessons or not at some times."

"Why wouldn't you let me take the lessons?" I asked, if I have to learn to use the whatever she called it then why take away my lessons?

"Safety. Mainly based on your actions with Levi, well... Levi's actions on you. If he starts to do funny things... Uh, I can't really explain but I know it will happen and when it does I will have to take you away from him. Like I said he is harsh..." She rubs the back of her ponytail with a anxious wry smile. 

"Funny things? Like what?" I asked only to recieve a look of her face that shows that she doesn't want me to know.

"Well one of them would be him forcing you to remember, he should know better than to force you to remember lost thoughts. If he does that I will take you away from him and I could teach you instead until I think you can go back to him."

"So you're basically punishing him?" 

"Yes." Strange...

"What that said, you now know what is going to happen when you're ready out of this room. Feel better now that you have your answers?" She smiles and I smile back. 

"Yes, thank you." I say and it drains all of the color from her face, but not for long as she recovers herself and shake back on the color.

"You're welcome (f/n)," She bends down and pick back up her chair taking back her seat. "I should be heading back to my office but I think I can spend a little more time here with you." 

"W-Why? Don't you have work?" I stutter, why would she want to stay here with me?

"I have my squad working on cleaning and some sorts of my work." 

"You have a squad?" I tilt my head to the side in confusion.

"Yup!" She says with pride.

"Then why need an assistant?" She has a whle squad to herself why need me as her assistant? It makes no sense.

"I get asked a lot about that." She lets out a small laugh. "I trust you the most out of everyone in the Headquarters. I can tell you almost everything and you'll zip it shut inside you, making it easy for me to gain some support from you. Also because you are fun to hang around with and you put up with my crazy experiments. An assistant never leaves its side with its leader and that's what you exactly do, well used to do."

"Experiments?" 

"Aren't you hungry for information!" She grins. "You'll learn more about experiments once you up and going, you're going to love them!"

"Why would I love the-"

"Shh! Enough questions for now. Let me ask you one question before I go." She interrupts me, a grin so wide it could split her face in two. 

"Oh o-okay."

"Before you woke up, what were you dreaming? When I came in you were a jerking mess crying out 'leave me alone' in a harsh breath." What? I feel my skin shiver with bumps as the dark forest flashes through my head. She looks at me no longer with a grin, instead she held a serious grim thin line that lays on her lips.

"Does it matter what I was dreaming?" 

"No but I'll like to know."

"Why?"

"Answer me (f/n)." She pushes her voice and I could feel her glare once again drilling into me.

"I don't know what it was really... I was in a forest at night, there were tall trees with corpses pinned onto them. I-I think they were dead... I was being chased by someone or something, it was a really strange dream it felt so real." I gulp, all my color drained away from my body and soul. 

"I see." She nods, getting back onto her feet. "Very interesting, well I'll see you in no time so you better heal quickly!" 

What? She starts to walk towards the door chuckling on the way. That's all she gots to say about my dream? If she didn't care then why ask about it?

"That's it? Interesting? That's all what you got to say about my dream?" I scoff and she turns around to face opening the door.

"Yeah, it's interesting and scary, no? What is there to say about it? It's just a night terror. Now if you need anything just scream, nurses and docters are right next door." She shrugs at me with a wry smile before closing the door behind her.

"H-Hey!" I whince, my torso stinging in sudden pain. Crap not now! I lay down hoping to relieve the pain it worked taking off most of the agony. I have no intention to sleep but my body yearning for a shower. When will they come back? I really don't have the urge to scream for just a shower. Ugh!

I stare up at the ceiling the flashing images of the dead tree corpses haunts my sanity. Why were they pinned onto trees? Why was I in a forest to begin with? None of this was making sense. Whatever that dreams was, I never want it to happen again or mean anything. It's just a nightmare I had and it will no longer return. 

Or at least I thought it wouldn't...


	6. Weakness

Days passed by as my wounds finally healed and bye bye goes the stitches. Washed out and finally clean the doctors leave the room for my uniform. A uniform? Is it what Hanji was wearing, those weird garments? Not to mention it was a awful lot of them, a jacket, blouse, pants, coat, and belts? How the hell do they put those on? Who the hell do the expect me to put those on?

Fighting with my mind I sat down back onto my bed, hearing the swaying melodies the wind plays with the fluttering curtains. The air was warm but was still able to send chills to spike my spine, it is a perfect day to take a walk just to feel the worlds around me. 

I wonder why I would my old me would join to become a soldier? It stains my thoughts everytime I think about this place. The Survey Crops, a place that was once known to be my home. Why was it my home?

A knock at the door brushes the thoughts away from my head as the nurses enter with the familar colors of cloth stacked onto their arms. I leap back onto my feet regardless of the sudden pain on my torso I reach out and grabbed the first item from the top.

"Those are your pants, put them on." She bluntly orders, I do as I am told and slip on the white tight skinned pants. It sticks to my legs curving out each and every detail there is. Instantly I loved the pants, making me feel sexy. Next they handed me a grey button up shirt, I pull off my night gown over my head and off as I shrug on the blouse, hissing in pain from my sore scars. One of the nurses pull out a long mirror from the corner of the room I did not realize was there. I stare at myself, surprised at what I look like though I have already seen myself. Its like almost I am a lost soul in a dead forgotten body, I guess I can't argue with that I am lost to this body and world that are so unfamilar to me. Which reminds me, there are walls out there? Why is that?

"Next would be the belts however Squad Leader Hanji decided you will not need to wear them during your course of studies. Once you have finished the course you will be required to wear these." She hold out a long tangled brown leathered belts, thank god I'm not going to wear those! "And now for the jacket and boots, you will be required to wear this and the garments you are wearing now everyday with no excuse."

"What if I didn't wear the uniform?" I asked, slipping on long dark brown knee leather boots and fling on the jacket.

"It is up to Hanji whether you give you a punishment or let you off on it." She shows no interest to be here talking to me about these things so I held on my questions until she turns around witht eh other and walk towards the door. I don't understand, we're finished? They still had a green garment on their arms?

"Follow along, we have to show you your room." They say as they exit the room. I yelp out to them to wait up for me but kept on walking away. I whince at scars again but I continue to limp behind them. Realizing I was slow they pause and awaited for me to catch up. How embarrassing but they didn't care and start to explain how to move around the halls. 

Honestly the halls are long and wide, the sounds of our boots bounces off the walls making me feel akward. Dim lit candles were patched onto the wall with their holder, shining the halls with some light but the outside light beam inside from some of the open porches. Turning into the corners of the halls were people is the smae uniform as me but only difference was that they were wearing the complex belts. Jeez-sucks to be them, putting on those belts must be a chore.

Not long they lead me to a room, inside the room was a simple pure white bed with a nightstand and a light brown wardrobe with drawers. On the bed was more stacks of garments, seperated in their specific regions. Blouses, pants, undergarments, and socks. 

"This is your room and on the bed are extra garments your parents had left you, your old ones are still in your wardrobe. Please pack your garments away until Squad Leader Hanji comesto pick you up for your fresh start." With that said the blunt nurse shuts the door after me and their boots echos down the hall. I twitch my eye in annoyance for the nurses being blunt but who knows they might be having a bad day. I sighed and picked up the stack of new blouses, opening one of the drawers and find the blouse to be nowhere founded. Ugh, checking the upper wardrobe hanged the blouses for now I just lay them down onto the bottom underneath the already hanged blouses. I did the same with the other clothings, figureing out where they belong and just pop them onto there. Hanji still not here I sat down onto my bed to give my sore tired body a rest.

A fresh start huh? Finally this means I can get my questions answered, yes? Where is she? Why isn't she here yet? I might just take a nap, ugh.

"Hello and good morning to you my lovely Cadet!" The brunette woman burst into my room nearly taking the door down. I was shocked at the sudden burst but soon to realize it was Hanji, finally. I stand back up and yawn as she cocks an eyebrow and cross her arms over her chest, expecting something from me. I slant my head at her only to receive a low disappointed groan and a shake of her head.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Is that how you greet your Squad Leader?" Huh?

"I don't und-"

"For crying out loud, just say good morning!" She hisses causing a cool shiver to prick my shine.

"U-Uh good morning Squad Leader!" I stuttered as her lips soon twists into a wide grin.

"Close enough, it is Squad Leader Hanji. Oh well until the next time!" She laughs and I am left still puzzled. "Follow me fellow assistant!"

Now walking out of the room I follow her, again in the same halls. How was I suppose know that I needed to greet her? We continue down turning into different hallways making me wonder how do they get around here? Are there numbers? At least a map for me to get around? How do they know where to get to places in these halls? They all look the same!

"Here is the study room, this is where meetings are held but for now here is where I will teach you everything you need to know." She pauses and points are a wide two knobbed door, opening the door we step inside and the first thing that pops into mind was large space the room had, long desks and long dark green chalkboard was the only things inside. "Since you're the only student here in the HQ I expect you to sit in the front, it will be easier for the both of us."

"It's huge." I say in awe, seeking every small detail in the room.

"Yup! Large enough for holding meeting and perfect to plan out expeditions!" She smiles, watching me wonder around in the room. I trace my finger tips on the dry smooth chalk board, slightly collecting a layer of dust.

"What is a expedition?" I inquired, rubbing the power off of my fingers.

"It is a event where we head out beyond the walls to slay Titans and gain land for humanity."  
"Titans?"

"I wouldn't worry much about it if I were you. You are still far behind to go out there. I'll teach you everything you will need to know." She reassures me, I'm glad she is the one giving me the answers I need. I think I can trust her, afterall my life ia depending of her, teaching me back on my lost memories is my only way left to live.

"Thank you." I mutter and she replys with a him.  
"Well since we are here I will start our first lesson." She clears her throat and nod at the front row seat for me to sit.

Alright, time to learn...

I take my place and a slap of a brown leather journal takes me by surprise.

"First you will receive a journal from me, this way you will record notes in my class. Notes are very essential, especially when it comes to exams and tests. Yes there will be tests." I flip open the booklet and find a long pencil awaiting to be used.

"And as my assistant you will take plenty of notes for me, so it best you start getting used to it." Notes for what? Why would she need me to take notes for her? Can't she do it herself?  
She turns around and grabs a stick of chalk between her fingers and began to scribble letters into words into the dark green broad. 

"I am Hanji Zoe. Your instructor and your leader. In this class I expect you to listen and understand, same goes being my assistant." She writes her full name onto the board and her voice becomes serious and scary as if I do one thing wrong she will hunt me down.

I wasn't sure whether I should write down the notes about her but just in case I took the notes down anyways; rather not risking my life to this woman.

The lessons ends quickly, pulling me away to her office discussing about my responsibilities as her Cadet. She had said something about Titan experiments, what is suppose to be experimenting large dangerous beasts. I wasn't the happiest trooper when I've heard about that but hey I have no choice now do I?

Hanji had taken me to the infirmary for my focus pill. I haven't gotten the headaches yet, I'm not sure if I'll ever get them anyways. Now after taking the pill Hanji leads me toward back to my room and along the way we meet that blacked haired man, if I could recall, his name was Levi. Both Hanji and him exchange stern glances creating the area around us a still awkward mood.

"Good evening Corporal Levi." Hanji says as he could only let out a thick "Tch".

"Good morning, Corporal." I do the same but my voice was shy and soft, afraid to reveal its bravery to the man.

"Good job (f/n)! You greeted!" Hanji praises me patting me on the back as we pass him but instead feeling proud of myself I felt my body spike shivers upon my spine once I heard my name being called from Levi behind us.

Both Hanji and I turn around to face him as I could once again feel the grim stren stares electrifiying back at each others. What is it with these two?

"So you are already in training?" Levi says, moving his sharp steel blades over at me. 

"Y-Yes." I stutter, gulping back my bravery. Crap...

"I guess that means I'll be seeing you soon?" He holds a hidden smirk only I could see. For some odd reason it feel good to see that shadow smirk but it also gives me the creeps! OF to hell with it, this man is scary as hell! I have a bad vibe about him, Hanji did say he is harsh so that must be a bad thing... Probably I should stay away from him? That would be impossible, he is going to teach me how to teach, not now but later he will and I can only hope for the best he isn't harsh on me. And maybe I could get some answers out of him, I am going to need to be on his good side, I can do this.

"Soon, no. Later, much later, you will. For now she belongs to me." Hanji says almost like she is playing with him but I could tell her voice was still serious with him. Probably not a good sign because Levi had narrow his drilling silver steel orbs onto her. What is going on? Why does she have to stren and why so does he?

Are they enemies? I wonder why.

"Now if you excuse us I am taking (f/n) back to her room." Taking my hand Hanji pulls me back onto track down the hall.

"Tch, you can't always keep her to yourself Shit Glasses, I will get her back." His voice booms behind us sending shivers down my arms and spine.

"Goodnight Corporal." She scoffs, not bothering to turn to face him. Wait shit, he is a Corporal, almost like a leader Right? So that makes him important, she did mention he is Humanity's Strongest Soldier, so sounds like he is a pretty big deal...

"Goodnight Corporal." I mutter but the empty halls cause my voice to echo, helping me out from my shy voice. Of course I wasn't rude so I quickly glance over my shoulder when I had said it and I swore I could tell he had widen his steel sharp orbs.

"Sweet dreams (f/n)." He groans, like if he was pushing himself to say it. I was smiling without a reason, why would I smile? He just said his part why does it feel weird?

"Why did you wish him goodnight?" Hanji whisper under her breath for only me to hear.

"I thought I was suppose to greet and respect my superiors?" I say confused as she looks over at me dumbfound and start to laugh.

"Huh? Did I do something wrong?" I pout only to receive her hand ruffling my hair.

"Ah (f/n)! I freaking love you! I wished this day was longer!" She laughs even louder, I blush pink in embarrassment. What is so funny?! However her hand on my hair gave me a weird feeling. What is it with these unfamiliar feelings?

"Ouch!" I scream, falling down into my knees as Hanji kneels down to my level, not any more laughter was escaping from her.

"(f/n)! Are you alright?"

"M-My head! It's killing me!" I cried out, my head throbbing like hammer smashing against another with great force. At this point I was filled with tears rolling down my cheek. "Make it stop please!"

"Shit! (f/n), hold on I'll help you out don't worry. Shit. Levi! Someone help!" She begins to yell out for more help as she lifts me up back into my feet. Her screams were overwhelming my head, repulsing with throbbing pain.


	7. Earthquakes

My head was killing me, it was almost like my brain was being tore in half and with a beating of a hammer. I was whimpering like an injured animal, pleading for Hanji to drag me out of here, though I was the one keeping us at a slow pace.

"Don't s-scream. I-It hurts. P-Please." I whince at the excoriating pain as she nods and continue to help me walk to the next infirmary. Not long Levi show up, his expression unexplainable once he saw both Hanji and I. I could feel Hanji lift her finger to her lips to shush Levi while I grunt in pain staring at the floor.

Levi was hissing whispers as Hanji retort back his whispers. I force myself to stay focus on making to the infirmacy rather than the voices and noises that surrounds us. Our boots clop throughout the halls, echoing the pain into my head killing me slowly and painfully. They kept on shouting whispers but I paid no attention to their agrument.

"No hell with it!" I hear him whisper harshly, fuzzing my head uncomfortably. Next thing I know he picked my legs off the ground and toss me over his shoulder, pushing Hanji and I away brutally. I wasn't completly tossed over his shoulder having me sit on his arm as he dashs through the hall quickly.

"Levi! Put her down!" Hanji shouts, her voice booming inside my head creating a massive earthquake inside my skull, pulsing rapidly and ferociously.

"Ah! Ow!" I cried out, curling myself to his shoulder with my head down and my hands muffling my ears to prevent more sounds entering but it was no use as the booming voice bounce around inside my thin skull.

"We're almost there, (f/n), just hold on longer baby." He pressed his voice, pushing his way through the cruel mumbling Cadets. Baby? I'm an adult!

"P-Please h-hurry." I whimper, soaking his left shoulder with my weeping tears.

"Move your asses out the fucking way!" Levi yells at the crowded hall of Cadets as they obeyed and created a path for him.

"Ah!" I cried out, his voice now bouncing around inside my head mercilessly.

"Shit, (f/n)." He mutters, was that his way of apologizing?

Not long he pop open the door into the infirmacy and place me down sitting onto the flat pale bed. Nurses and doctors question us as Levi explain. I continue on holding my head mourning for the pain to stop. A doctor came and shake two bottles, the familar green and the red bottles. The shaking felt like needles piercing my brain with wooden splinters.

"M-Make it, s-stop, I b-beg you!" I cried, curling myself back into a ball.

"Take these two." The doctor says as softly she could but her voice was still like thunder. I pulled myself up and slap the two colored pills into my mouth gushing down the cup of water she had prepared for me.

"Now your headaches will soon disappear. It was about time your headaches to reveal themself, sorry for not warning you." The doctor tried again but her voice was striking my brain. I nod, hoping she'll stop talking.

Levi seated himself aside me, caressing my back in circular motion. I look up at him as his silver steel orbs look straight into my, daring to not break eye contact with my watery (e/c) ones.

"(f/n)!" Hanji voice booms, causing me to whince in pain. I felt his glaze dart off of me and onto Hanji's as she quickly shut her mouth. Hanji settle herself on the bed as well, aside Levi. I peek up at the two as they, again, were shouting whispers. What is it with these two?

Despite the trembling pain that are storming inside my skull, I decide to eavedrop on their intense conversation.

"Why the hell make you think you can just lift her up like that?!" Hanji hisses.

"By the time you make it here she would be more in excruciating pain, Shit Glasses!" I have to agree with Levi there.

"You could of dropped her!"

"I would never drop her..." He threatens her.

"A bump with a Cadet and her head would've exploded. Watch yourself Levi." Exploded?

"What could be the worst thing you could to to me?" He scoffs triggering chills to spike my flesh.

"I can take her away from your lessons entirely." She pressed her voice.

"She needs my training."

"I can teach her as well Levi, not just you can teach her how to fight."

"You fucking piece of shit, you know how much she means to me!"

"I know that but not anymore, Levi. She isn't your lover, she not your entertaining Cadet, she is no longer the stupid clumsy brat we both loved. She is my Cadet whom her life is at risk and I am willing to protect her from her total death. Meaning I will not allow you to force (f/n) to remember you, fall in love with you again, and I will not allow you to hurt her. Do you understand? If you don't then I'm sorry Levi but there is nothing for you to get her back. She is gone." Her words were serious and blunt, recreating the intense atmosphere to a still silence except for my sloppy whimpers. Her words were deep enough for Levi to just let out a thick "Tch" and no words to reply to her statement.

"Are you alright, (f/n)?" Hanji asked her voice low pushing away from the akward intensity. "Do you need me to get you water?"

"P-Please." My voice was rasp as she stood up and walked to one of the nurses as they nod and lead her to get water. I uncurl myself from my forward ball as I felt more relieved. Holy crap, these pills really do work!

"How do you feel?" He asked, I turn to look at him as he doesn't bother to look at me instead he looks straight ahead, almost like he was ashamed to look at me.

"A l-little better." I mumble as he hum in acknowledgement.

"Thank you for taking me here quickly as possible. I owe you." I twiddle my thumbs feeling shy.

"You don't owe me anything, just be happy is all I'll ever ask from you, (f/n)."

"Happy?" I mumble the word but just as Hanji returns with a paper cup of water he doesn't response.

"I'm off. Sweet dreams again, (f/n)." He stands up and begins to walk towards the exit.

"Good night, Corporal." I weakly choke right before he disappears into the halls.

How exactly can I be happy if I know absolutely nothing about myself?

"Whenever you feel better I'll take you to your room." Hanji cuts through my thoughts as I nod and stood up, signaling her I was feeling better.

To be happy, is that really possible?


	8. Blame

Again I was running through the dark dense forest, my feet stomping against the hard wet mucky ground. The rain shower over me, soaking my garments to my skin. The trees were again dark and gloomy not revealing the bodies I already know is there.

My heart was beating against my chest as I hear the familiar screeching voice behind me starting to chase me. The screams were getting louder and louder, taunting me to the core. I kicked my feet harder trying to keep away from the screeching voice. I was scared all over again though I already knew I already had this dream but something about the voice was different it wasn't human, obviously not a good thing.

"What do you want from me?!" I screamed out, my breath was being taken away into the moist thick air.

"YOU!" The voice laugh out, still in a high pitch scream that cause my heart to skip a beat.

Although I was freaking out at this point I kept on running barefoot as the pebbles and twigs were piercing my flesh. I didn't care I just wanted to escape this endless dark forest. I wanted to go back home, wherever that is, and just forget everything. I want to forget what fear is and just go take a shower or something just anything but this.

"(F/N)! DON'T RUN, YOU'LL FALL." It laughed again, the frequency of its pitch was yearning for my eardrums to bleed.

"Stop this!" I was crying and same as before I tripped over a stone, scraping off some skin off my shin bleeding as the painful acidic rain burn the open wound. I was hopeless and my heart was beating hard like the thunder claps once I realize this was exact place I had fallen before. Except the was no vine hands coming from the ground, just my useless and tiny body lying there in hopes of someone saving me but that was nowhere close to happen.

"DON'T WAKE UP, YOU WILL REGRET IT." The howls are higher than before, my ear popped before closing in to explode. I was crying out stinging salty tears as they burn my own eyes with the acidic iron taste in the air.

"Help me!" I screamed, my voice box strangling itself to sing.

"NO!"

I wake up to the sound of hard loud knocking on my door, pushing myself up on my bed in panic and cold sweat. My heart was still beating in panic, it was just a dream (f/n), breathe in and out. What is it with these dreams?

I couldn't find my voice as I leap off the bed and walked to the door with my nightgown on. I swing open the door to find her, Squad Leader Hanji with a grin so wide her pearly teeth blinded me.

"Good morning Cadet (f/n)!" Her hyper voice caused me to squint tightly.

"Good morning Squad Leader Hanji." I greet back only to receive a pat on my head.

"You will wake up at dawn and dress up to meet me in the classroom. So dress up and meet me there!" She jeers as she start to walk down the hall.

"Wait!" I called out her, she doesn't stop walking ignoring my call." I don't remember where the classroom is still!"

"Aw, too bad for you (f/n). Start dressing up already and find someone to help you." She laughs as I rush back into my room and began to change. How the am I supposed to remember where a hidden classroom is supposed to be? With my still sore torso it was difficult to pull up my pants and pull over my blouse. Every little task was a struggle, finding where I keep my socks to finding where I could keep a hairbrush at. It was a big chore until I settled my rebellious hair, kicking myself out the door panting softly I no longer could see Hanji or any trace where she could had trailed towards.

"Damn it!" I cursed under my breath as I stomp down the hall in hopes to find anyone in these halls in the early dawn ass! Taking unfamiliar turns from the hall I could sight one Cadet but he wasn't the so friendly looking type of dude so I kept on walking in hopes to find another. Jeez, I just lost one chance in hopes to find Hanji's classroom.

My boots clap against the polished floors, echoing the empty halls in a following monotone rhythmic pattern. At this point I was already losing hopes to find anyone else, my mind urging me to turn back around and try other passages but I was too stubborn and kept on going. I swear if I am going the wrong way I will pinch myself for my stupidity! After turning and more nonstop walking without finding any source of living beings in the entire HQ I turn around and huffed frustrated. I continue back where I once traveled through just as my stomach growled in hunger. Jeez, is there no breakfast in the morning?

"(f/n)?" I turn around to the sudden voice behind me, only to find the one and only Commander Erwin Smith. How the hell did I not hear him? Or even more, how the hell did I not notice him, I just came from that direction!

I don't respond, my voice shy to reveal itself and my skin prickling with heat with embarrassment. Let me guess, he is going to ask me why am I in these halls.

"What are you doing roaming in the halls?" Told you.

Again my shy voice kicked back into its cave, I only shrugged in hopes he'll let it pass. Ugh, who am I kidding? He is the Commander so that makes him someone important!

"I'm lost, I-I don't know how to get to the Study Room." I mumble as he gave me a confused look.

"Isn't Squad Leader Hanji supposed to be with you?"

"Um, I guess? She told me I had to find it on my own, I assume she wants me to learn where it is located on my own. Sounds reasonable." I answered as he sighs and nods.

"Of course she would, please follow me I'll show you the way." He chuckles afterwards, walking pass me as I picked up my feet and wonder on behind him. I took note of each turn we took hoping next time, tomorrow, I will get there on my own. He picked up simple conversations but it didn't last long as I ended quickly, wishing for just a silence trip to the room.

With just a few last turns I recognized the hall, on the left side was where the large double doors were concealing the hidden Study Room. He opened the door for me and we both find Hanji grinning ear to ear at our appearance.

"(f/n)!" She laughs out in glee as she rushing up to me and gave the world's tightest and biggest bear hug I've ever experienced. Of course I haven't but perhaps my old body and mind did, I just don't ever recall it. The thought was upsetting though it is just the way it is. Life is difficult we just are going to have to move along with it. "You took forever!"

"I was lost..." I mumble, her breast suffocating me.

"Yes, she was quite far and in the opposite direction of the room, you shouldn't have let her find the room on her own." Erwin lectures Hanji but it wasn't effective as she rolls her eyes and urge Erwin to exit the room. Jeez, I was going in the wrong direction? I scowled at myself and pinched my thigh as a punishment.

"Shoo, you are interrupting a learning environment." She grins as Erwin rolls his sky bright blue eyes out of the room. Jeez, that's how she treats him? Isn't he the Commander?

"Took you long enough so I brought our breakfast." She chuckles, wrapping her arm over my shoulders and turn me to face both in the same direction of her and my desk.

I stare in awe at the meal, my stomach growing ravenously. Although it was simple two pieces of bread, well cooked eggs with a side of small of cut fruits with a slice of wheat bread, and last of all was I could only guess was a mug of fresh water to wash it all down.

"Just the look of you I can tell you're starving. Go my assistant, go feast your belly!" She laughs throwing me out in front of her as I could smell the delicious breakfast scent.

I amble and sat down behind the desk as I pick up my fork and dine into the eggs. There was nothing but just the taste of dull plain eggs, not even salt or pepper was in the eggs. However it's better than nothing.

"After today I expect you to wake up and meet me at the mess hall for a proper breakfast and after that will be here in the study room." she informs me as she plaster herself behind her breakfast dining into her bread first. "Today I decided to get you ahead with learning without wasting time with breakfast and the loud distracting mess hall. So we'll quickly eat and start right away."

"What? Seriously? Ugh! Protesting inside my head I munch through the lifeless eggs, moving onto my bread with small gushes of water to help wash down the bitter dry bread. As we were eating there was nothing but awkward silence, annoying the hell out of me! I look around the room in hopes to start a conversation with this lady.

"Is that coffee you're drinking?" I break the silence with a question as she looks at me with confusion. Well, it smells like coffee so it is a good reason why I am asking.

"Sorry, I was surprise of how would you know what coffee is." She weakly laugh as I felt a weight pull me down. Oh right, memory loss, supposedly wipe out everything a human being is supposed to know...

"No, I know what coffee is. Good thing I didn't lost that much memory, huh?" I nervously laugh, awkward already.

"I'm sorry (f/n), I didn't mean to say that I just - well I didn't know, I mean -"

"No it's alright, you don't' need to apologize. It's fine, please don't overwhelm yourself with it." I tried my best to hide my awkwardness and my embarrassment, playing around with the fruit.

There was that taunting awkward silence again, bothering me at the highest. Great, just after a weird conversation this happens...

"Um, yes, this is coffee." She replies, rubbing the back of her head showing her weak smile. "Forgot to answer your question, sorry."

"Oh, it's alright." I wryly smile as she stares at me taking a bite from her eggs.

"Do you want some to drink?" She asked as I was taken in surprise at the offer.

"Um, I don't think I ever tried coffee. I don't want to have to taste and spit it out, that would be a waste."

"Huh, good point," She smiles, "You never enjoyed coffee anyways so I doubt you'll like it now."

"What really?" I used to hate coffee? I don't remember the taste, I don't ever recall tasting coffee or disliking it.

"Yeah, I made you tried it once and you spit it all out!" She smiles and chuckle back into her memories. "But you did enjoy the smell of my coffee, just never did you liked the taste."

"That's so strange." I mumble in shock, finishing one bread as I move onto the other.

"Is it really now?" She laughs.

"Yeah I don't recall those events, it's just so strange." I laugh awkwardly.

"It must be scary to be trapped in a body you don't remember." She suddenly frown.

"Yeah, it's hard for me but it's not just me," I tug a frown. "You have to put up with me, others too, you all have to put up with somebody like me. It must be hard too to reteach everything I need to know, pull all your weight onto me so that I can lift them. It must all be a bothersome."

"No," She blurts out, her glasses flash as the beam of light from the open windows slice through her frame. "You're wrong."

I didn't response, unsure what to retort back at her last comment. I'm wrong? Wrong how?

"You don't bother us at all, something is may be bothering us but it's not you." Her tone was serious, spiking nervous vines to prick my body.

"What is it that is bothering you?" I asked, speaking out of my head. Damn it!

"I couldn't save you." Her voice was soft like a raven feather gliding in the soft breeze of the icy cold winter air. I couldn't stop the sudden shivers that hit me like a wave as I lost my appetite to continue on my tray.

"I think we should start our lesson." I mutter as she nods and munch down all her eggs and fruits as she held her bread. I stand up and travel behind her to stack our trays onto each other as we set them aside from being a distraction.

She start the lesson while eating her bread in her hands as I chuck down notes in the coffee colored journal. Her words of couldn't save me was baffling my head but I had a slight clue what she might meant by that. She couldn't save me from losing my memory, how and why couldn't she? What had happened? I don't understand.

Why couldn't she save me?

Was losing my memory all her blame? Was that why she, Levi, and the Commander were fighing outside my door?

What did she do?

Better yet, what didn't she do to prevent this?

 

 

It's wasn't her fault...


End file.
